Are you sick of all this hipster talk on the web?
Yeah, I kind of am too.
Don’t let the name of my blog fool you.
That was just for branding purposes.
People have been trying to kill off hipsters for a long time now.
The truth of the matter is, the phrase blew into epic proportions that society lost control of.
Now they’re trying to reel it back in.
…You have to break them up into 4 or 5 identifying phrases, duh!
Second to Brooklyn, the supposed epicenter of Hipsterville, I would take a guess that Austin, Texas and Portland, Oregon vie for the next spot in line. Since I live in Austin, I can tell you that it is one giant cesspool of every facet of hipsterdom.
1.) The I-Repurpose-Old-Jeans-Almost-As-Well-As-I-Roll-Through-Stop-Signs-Dude: You know who I’m talking about. The 6’2″, 140-pound fixed gear guy with cut-off jeans, flannel shirt, giant holes in his ears, irreverent tattoos, a couch for a bed, and a master’s degree. He can’t take you out to dinner because he doesn’t have a job or a car and he won’t visit his wealthy family during the holidays because they don’t watch The Jon Stewart Show. He has a few PIs under his belt and he is more than happy to get into a drunken argument with you about the conspiracies of 9/11.
His female counterpart, The-I-Probably-Play-Guitar-Better-Than-You-Chick, is comparably dressed and tattooed but instead of a skeleton-like appearance, her petite frame supports a tiny muffin-top due to the beer she drinks to keep up with the dudes. She most likely drives a muscle car and all the gentleman are both equally turned on and petrified of her mad skills.
The female counterpart is The I-Wish-I-Was-Betty-Draper-Lady and they will use any social event to dress in their great-grandmother’s cocktail dress and costume jewelry. They take their baking cue from Amy Sedaris and they like thrift shopping for their Etsy store on the weekends. You can often find them at home drinking a bottle of white wine and watching Grace Kelly films for inspiration.
3.) The I-Want-To-Be-Dov-Chanery’s-Girfriend-Or-I-Like-Loooove-Doing-Coke-So-Much!-Scenester: This is the hipster that give hipsters a bad name. The Scenester Hipster. The one that has a Lookbook page where they look like they’re suffering from arthritis and lockjaw. The one who appears striking a pose in about 200 random photos over the course of a Friday night. The one who says things like, “See that dude over there? I totally let him f*ck me in the butt the other night,” as she drunkenly slides down the light post out in front of the club. They’re beautiful and they’re smart, but both attributes get muddled by the insecurity that overshadows the real them.
Her male counter-part is The Does-This-V-Neck-Make-Me-Look-Fat?-Scenester. He’s the guy that wears horn-rimmed glasses whether he needs to or not. We wears a lot of neon and thinks that handle bar mustaches make him look adorable (they do). The interesting thing about him- you can’t tell if he’s 18 years old and works at American Apparel or 30 years old and owns his own web design company.
4.) The I-Was-Listening-To-The-Drums-Since-Before-They-Were-Even-Born!-Guy: This is your quintessential record-buying, Lou Reed-idolizing, David-Lynch-obsessed, Wes-Anderson-stylized hipster. The film school drop-out who digs anything that is counter culture- like Dash Snow or Jay Reatard- whether there is any artistic value or not. They make questionable mix media art in their converted loft downtown. They call themselves vegan even though they’ll make an exception for Taco Bell late-night drive-thru and they go to AA meetings (not American Apparel AA).
19 Comments
This is a good one. I laughed at each.
haha, yes, all so true!
You're forgetting the outdoorsy, skateboarding, neo-reggae, infrequently showering, brain fried by psychedelic drugs, just-graduated-state-school "hipsters"
nailed it on the head. perfect. how about the "i graduated from college 4 years ago and got a job as a teacher so i can paint during work" 'hipster'. i have a few friends like that.
I used to know all those people when I lived in Philly. I do not consider myself a hipster, but I am a young, unemployed American-apparel t-shirt wearing kid so I get lumped in with them.
What do you call the 20-something poet/rapper who has a painting of ODB on her wall and used to work in insurance? That's me!
So funny. My brother is every one of those guys rolled into one. Maybe he is supposed to live in Austin instead of L.A.
What about the Neo-Hippie/Boho Hipster? They're sort of a staple of the Austin "scene" no?
"The I've-Been-Listening-To-The-Drums-Since-Before-They-Were-Even-Born!-Girl."
That's probably what I would be, except minus the mustache collection.
As sad as it is to say, I grow one of those one my own. 🙁 It's a horrible existence.
Geez. The fact that I've dated every guy hipster on your list makes me cry. My last was the vintage wearing, mustache sporting, short tight shorts loving, Obsessed with Tom Waits and Elvis Costello sort… which is really a combo of all of the above.
Clever! I went to an art school in the heart of Minneapolis and I think you hit the nail on the head!
You guys need a better name. I suggest switching out "creative" for "artistic" and going with Yauies (pronounced Yowies) or maybe Yauists ('cause it's a hair more ironic). That way you can keep the lifestyle but lose the connotation.
Haha yes! In addition to nodding and smiling at the types, I also laughed out loud at "Don't let the name of my blog fool you. That was just for branding purposes."
I'd add the "type" that I seem to fit, which is the type who makes a big fuss about how he unironically likes mainstream stuff, like Taco Bell or Long Island. For a while, I thought I was just above it all and a "non-hipster." Then I realized that the average "non-hipster" wouldn't make such a big deal about liking that stuff. I feel like I know lots of other people who fit the type. Not sure what to call it.
Damn. I think you have me pegged with the "James Joyce Gentleman". We're not all bad … really.
Damn. I think you have me pegged with the "James Joyce Gentleman". We're not all bad … really.
Damn. I think you have me pegged with the "James Joyce Gentleman". We're not all bad … really.
I love this! And now I plan to play hipster bingo next time I hit up Brooklyn! I shall try to locate all of your special types! 😉
I can't think of anyone that's missing but number 2 is friggin hot. And I don't even know what his face looks like. ::swoon::
GAH!!!! So, so true, Lauren!
All Young, Creative Urbanites you identified are in full effect in Austin, Texas.
In my life, I have dated both:
James Joyce Gentleman, and
I-Was-Listening-To-The-Drums-Before-They-Were-Cool Gentleman.
And sadly, I totally aspire to dress like Betty Draper. With fantasies of the Lookbook lockjaw type – whose outfits I can never pull off.
You covered all the basics for sure. Great list.
Very funny. I go to a small liberal arts college and there are quite a few of these people here…Sometimes they get called the UO's (Urban Outfitters) because that's where a lot of them shop. Good blog!