Holiday Gift Ideas for the Semi-Indigent

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We’re all broke. Unless you’re that asshole who is not. If so, then maybe you should stop reading my blog and start contributing financially, huh?

I certainly know that I’m broke. And not even in the, “I really have some dough set aside but am telling everyone that I can’t afford to do Christmas gifts this year” broke. Every single penny is accounted for. Except for the ones spent on ridiculous amounts of grocery store sushi.

If you’re anything like me, then you probably are wondering how you can show your love to friends and family outside of giving them a pat on the back and saying, “Thank you for looking after me when I can’t even look after myself.” Below is my list of super inexpensive gift ideas for the holidays.

1.) Pickling– I showed you yesterday how to pickle the living crap out of peppers. Who doesn’t love pickles? Who? WHO?!? Tell me right now and I will beat you with this rotten cucumber that didn’t make the next batch of pickling. You can pickle anything, really. Peppers, cucumbers, beets, carrots, cats, small children. So, why not give the gift of anaerobic fermentation this holiday season?   
Items needed: Jars, desired produce, water, vinegar, sugar, salt, spices of your tasting.

2.) DIY Snow Globes– If you’re afraid you’re going to give your friends Botulism, you can use those pickling jars to make snow globes instead. Martha Stewart has a great instructional guide on how to glue plastic figurines against their will into a glass jar. Instead of tiny deer or trees, you should think about gluing Mr. Sherwood in a simulated pit of fiery hell to represent the plight of the middle class during this recession.
Items Needed: Jar, random tiny people found around the house, glue, glitter, glycerin.

3.) Creative Photo Ideas– What better way to say “I adore you maybe a little too much” than cutting up a photo of a loved one’s face? Photojojo has some excellent ideas for DIY photo gifts for the holidays, including how to create panographies and flipbooks. My Christmas gift to my mother this year will be a tear-stained photo of me as a child, care-free and innocent.
Items Needed: Photos, scissors, glue, imagination.

4.) Booze– Nothing says “Christmas” like lying on your childhood bed, cradling your high school senior yearbook, and screaming, “Why?” over and over. Chances are booze got you to that point, so why not help a friend get there too by offering them homemade alcohol?  Readymade Magazine has a wonderful hard cider recipe you can check out here. Though I lost interest in following the recipe after the first line, I’m sure it’s something that a reader with an attention span longer than that of a squirrel could get into.
Items Needed: Apple cider, yeast, sugar, various bottles, rubber tubes, pots, and other crap.

Source

5.) Felt Finger Puppets– Create felt puppet finger versions of you and your friends. Then act out conversations you’d like to have with your friends but are too afraid to have in real life in front of them.See how they react. Then give them the tiny felt versions of themselves. Or you could just make them a Ryan Reynolds felt finger puppet to use on those special nights.
Items Needed: Felt, scissors, sewing supplies.

Are you making Christmas gifts this year? What gifts have you made in the past?