Hipstercrite’s Trend Predictions for 2011

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Did I just refer to myself in the third person? I sure did.
However, Hipstercrite is an alter ego of mine, of sorts, so I’m speaking in the third person of a person that I am not. What would the name of that be? Oh, narcissism? Ok! I’ll take it!

I’ve been reading a lot of “trend reports” for 2011. According to ABCNews cupcakes are totally f’ed for next year. In 2011 we should be expecting pies to take over the world. I read somewhere that books are dead too. USA Today says that a lot of people will be doing Civil War-related activities in 2011 and I say, hasn’t Civil War reenactments ALWAYS been in style?? I’ve been dressing as a Union soldier and partaking in Gettysburg battles since I was a little girl. Refinery29 predicts that the color orange, pajama-style day clothing, and futuristic military garb is in for next spring….just let your imagination run wild with that.

I have a few predictions of my own that I’d like to add to the list.

What trend predictions do you have for 2011?

1.) Travel– Austin, TX Becomes the South’s Manhattan

So you’ve probably been hearing a lot about Austin, Texas lately. Maybe it was while reading Forbes’ list of top cities for young people to move to where Austin was ranked as #1. Or maybe it was while reading Klipinger’s list of top cities to live in the next decade where Austin was ranked as #1. Maybe it was while hearing about South by Southwest- one of the largest music, movie, and interactive festivals in the world. Maybe you’re sick of me talking about Austin? Either way, it’s here to stay and bigger than ever. Why just yesterday the Los Angeles Times wrote about how people were no longer flocking to California, but Texas, where the unemployment rate is low (6.9% in Austin), the cost of living is low (Austin is 26% cheaper than living in LA), and the quality of life is excellent (Austin is 1,000,000% better than anywhere else in the world). You’ll be hearing more about Austin in 2011, so if you decide to move here, just make sure you don’t crap up the city, ok?

2.) Fashion– F Mustaches, 2011 Will Be the Year of Chest Hair

If 2010 was the year that men grew ironic John Oates-style mustaches and ladies wore fake ones, then I’m saying that 2011 is all about the chest hair. Having been a fan of chest hair since I was way too young to be cognoscente of such things, I’m sick of hearing about men shaving their chest hair in order to look like little girls and the women who encourage them to do so. Men, own your chest hair! It’s what makes you, you know, a dude. Ladies, instead of wearing those God-forsaken fake mustaches, why don’t you buy some hair that looks like what was left of Robin WIlliams’ last waxing appointment and glue that shit to yo’ chest! I can tell you personally, it’s liberating and for some really creepy reason the dudes really dig it.

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3.) Lifestyle– Oh My God! I Know How to Write Still!

One of my favorite bloggers is Lesley M. M. Blume over at Huffington Post. This year she released the book, Let’s Bring it Back: An Encyclopedia of Forgotten-Yet-Delightful, Chic, Useful, Curious, and Otherwise Commendable Things from Times Gone By, an exercise in reclaiming the wonderful quirks of yesteryear. One of her suggestions was writing letters, and by God, she is onto something. Having worked in computer-centric businesses since I first began working at the age of 3, I find myself becoming more and more disconnected from conventional forms of communication. I know others are feeling the same way. There is something romantic and genuine about picking up a writing utensil and playing with it and I think we’ll be seeing a lot more of hand-written letters in 2011.

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4.) Entertainment– Rick Moranis Will Make a Comeback

So what he hasn’t acted in movie since 1997? I predict that 2011 will be the year of the Moranis! Will he or won’t he be in the new Ghostbusters movie? Will he release another country album? Will he and Dave Thomas make another McKenzie Brothers movie? These are all questions that consume this young lady’s mind. Moranis will probably tell you that the answers to all these questions are a big ol’ whopping “No”, but I think it’s up to us, as his dutiful fans, to encourage him out of retirement. We love you, Rick. More than you will ever ever know.

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5.) Social Media– Grandparents Join Facebook

If 2010 was the year that our parents joined Facebook, then 2011 is the year that our grandparents do. I already have a 92 year-old grandmother on Facebook. Granted she has never had a profile picture and a habit of commenting on her own wall when intended for others, but she is on there and there will be others like her! Soon enough you’ll be safe from no one! Your parents AND grandparents will scrutinize every picture where your hair isn’t combed or where you’re holding a cigarette that isn’t lit or where you’re wearing over-sized glasses on your face that make your nose look like that of Woody Allen or I GET IT, MOM! I KNOW I LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE IN MOST OF MY FACEBOOK PHOTOS, THANKS!

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6.) Food– The Beauty of Beets

Forget cupcakes and pies and pork belly and fish tacos and all that jazz. Beets are where it’s at. They taste like dirt and make you feel one with the Earth. Now you can’t put a price tag on that, can you? CAN YOU? Like the avocado, beets are delicious and can be made into or added to any dish. Beet margaritas? Why not? Beet ice cream? Sure. Beet beer? F yeah! These beautiful and flavorful vegetables are a treat for anyone! Just be warned. If you eat too many, you’ll think you’re crapping blood and dying. Just ask my mother about the day I called her crying hysterically.