Today I am to announce who won the “Everyone Loves Austin” t-shirt giveaway.
I will do that later.
Right now I don’t feel like writing at all. Not even that sentence.
In fact, these past 8 days have proven difficult in writing emails let alone blog posts. Sometimes I don’t even finish sentences while talking. I trail off, confused as to what I’m saying. I switch out words for other words. Left becomes right, north becomes south.
My brain is so cluttered with stuff, I can’t even tell if I’m writing this sentence correctly or not.
When I read these words aloud in my brain, a hundred other voices compete to make themselves known.
All these conversations battling for hierarchy in my head end up sounding like Peanut’s adult talk.
When I try to be creative, I feel my thoughts running immediately up against a brick wall. I start a sentence only to find it struck down by immovable and nonexistent brain matter. I can see the wall, but I can’t see the words. They are a dust storm.
A flatline.
Why do I feel this way? It started with my kitten dying, then working numerous freelance jobs last week that left me eating out of my car, sleeping restlessly and wanting to run away from every person walking towards my general direction. In these times I find myself smiling less. I smile less not because I’m unhappy, but because I’m preoccupied, worried about what I should be doing next.
I have several writing projects I’m behind on because I simply don’t have the mental energy to create anything of substance. I’m sure if I forced myself to write, I would churn out something, but it would be uninspired. Uninspired work is the worst kind.
It is within these times that I begin doubting myself. Having writer’s block leaves me feeling as though I have no voice and no talent, and that the words will never come to mind again.
They eventually do.
Not soon enough.
6 Comments
“I have several writing projects I’m behind on because I simply don’t have the mental energy to create anything of substance.”
Although my situation is very different, this is exactly how I feel. I am so wiped from the day with the kids and then from doing writing I get paid to do, that when I open my blog, I thumb through the posts I have in draft and say, “Meh. I’m going to bed.” I want to finish those posts, but at the end of the day, I lack brainpower to do so.
And on the rare chance I get a spark of creativity, it’s either right in the middle of the day when I physically can’t sit down to write, or it’s at midnight as I’m climbing into bed.
I hope you clear your head soon. I’m so sorry about your kitten. They make such a profound impact on us in such a short time.
Yep, I hear ya. Inspiration typically hits me when I can’t physically do anything about it. Girl, I give you so much credit. I can’t imagine the momma aspect too. I don’t think I’d get anything done!
Thank you for writing this. I’m in the same damn boat. Submarine maybe? I watched Basquiat on Netflix Saturday night (party animal = me) and somehow the sheer weirdness and artistic soul of it all seemed to help: I managed to squeeze out about 15 minutes of writing that was worth a shit. Of course, I have about 15 hours of stuff to do, but still.
PS- I’m really sorry about your kitten.
I still need to watch that movie! Sometimes a good movie or book or song can kick start the creative juices. I’m reading Steve Martin’s autobiography right now and it’s helping a little bit.
You’ve probably already seen this typography video with Ira Glass talking about punching through those times when you feel stuck and uninspired, but it made me cry the first time I saw it, and I go back to it every time I feel like curling up, staring at a wall and doing/saying/writing nothing for 24 hours straight. Makes me feel less alone somehow. Hope it helps a little… http://vimeo.com/24715531
And if that doesn’t work, then sh*t, girl… ROAD TRIP. The cheaper and grittier, the better.
I have, but I think I need to read it again! Thanks for sharing! (And yes, getting out of town is the BEST creative block crusher).