Everything I Know About Wine I Learned From Sideways

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Tonight I’m nervously speaking at the event, “Georges Duboeuf’s Beaujolais & Burgers: A Night of Perfect Pairing“, with wine writer/entrepreneur Mark Oldman at Parkside.

This should be interesting considering my entire wine knowledge can be traced to the film Sideways.

All I know is that Merlot is wrong. I don’t drink Merlot because Paul Giamatti told me not to.

Truthfully, when I first read the word “Beaujolais”, I thought it was a new clothing boutique on 2nd street.

I can’t act my way out of a paper bag, but I’ve perfected the art of acting like I know a thing or two about wine. If you find yourself at a wine tasting, remember the four S’s:

1.) Swirl

2.) Sniff

3.) Sip

4.) Speculate

The most important part of acting like you know something about wine is the “speculate” part. Furrow your eyebrows and look off into the distance as if deep in thought about what you just drank. If someone asks you want you think about the wine, mumble the words “pencil shavings” and “liveliness”, but say it with a very confident look on your face. If they ask you exactly what you mean, reply with, “What do YOU think I mean?” At that point they should leave you alone.

Luckily, the event didn’t ask me to speak about my impressive wine knowledge or even about burgers (though I could probably talk your ear off about burgers). No, they invited me to talk about the dos and don’ts of dating and about perfect pairings… like Beaujolais and Burgers!

And I do have a thing or two to say about dating. Especially when I’m two glasses of wine deep.

I’m a little nervous. Hopefully I’ll get to enjoy some of the wine before I have to speak

Wish me luck!