10 Reasons Why Austin Should Secede From Texas

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As you may know, some individuals in our beloved state of Texas are petitioning to secede from the union. As of now there are over 100,000 signatures for Texas to go rogue.

Well, Austin has decided to one-up Texas and start a petition to secede from the state and join the union.

Hey, I love Texas as much as the next person, but if some of y’all are going to be a bunch of boobs, why not secede from Texas?

Below are the top ten reasons why Austin should become its own state.

And P.S., to all you Texans outside of Austin reading this, I very much love this state I live in (except for the majority of its politics) and this is all in good fun. Please don’t stone me.

 

10 Reasons Why Austin Should Secede From Texas

1.) We will no longer be referred to as “A blue dot in a red state”, but rather “A blue state in a red whatever the hell you are now”

2.) No longer under the tyranny of Governor Rick Perry, we can finally elect Lloyd Doggett as governor of Austin.

3.) When traveling outside of Texas and people express shock that you live there, you no longer have to explain to them that “Austin is not Texas” because they already know that.

4.) We will build a Planned Parenthood every two miles within the city limits.

5.) We will give health care to our working musicians (oh wait, we already do that).

6.) Since Austin will become its own state, Jetblue will finally feel obligated to actually offer flight sales.

7.) We will become the smallest state in the union and therefore the cutest.

8.) We will have achieved what New York City has never been able to do.

9.) Marijuana will not only be legal in the state of Austin, but it will become the official state plant.

10.) The only “voluntary deportation” Austin will be doing is Republicans back to Williamson County.