What You Can Learn From Writing A Shit Ton

• Tweet

• Tweet

I just completed a seven month-long writing project.

Needless to say it fried my brain into that gross little brown turd-looking french fry that floats at the bottom of your basket.

However, the challenge was healthy and I learned a lot. I feel as though I’ve really grown as a writer.

Long-term writing projects are a great way to test your skills and patience.

Here is what you can learn from them:

1.) The thesaurus is your friend. FUCK what Stephen King said in his book On Writing- the thesaurus is awesome and finding big words that make you sound smarter than you actually are is good.

2.) Sitting for long stretches of time can make you feel like you’re 80 years old and probably dying.

3.) If you stare at the computer screen long enough, you’ll develop vertigo and feel as if you’re riding a unicorn.

4.) Telling people that you think you’re physically and mentally dying from a long-term writing project provokes no sympathy and only stares of “SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

5.) Coming up with fresh ideas is difficult and it’s important to step away from the computer, stand up, stretch AND DRINK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF WHATEVER ALCOHOL IS IN THE HOUSE.

6.) Your butt going numb from all that sitting is probably not a good thing and you should find a person to massage your ass and help circulate it before it dies and falls off.

7.) Yes, you probably are going insane.