I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt like a goddamn weirdo for most of my life.
Even though I’ve grown up to be a relatively normal adult who wears normal clothing and has a normal job, I know that the eccentric, awkward child who loved to wear over-sized men’s suits in junior high is still chilling in her pinstripe slacks and loafers somewhere deep inside of me.
I never really felt out of place growing up, but occasionally the “cool kid” (translation: now a drug dealer or bartender still living in my hometown) would call me a “lesbo” and my confidence would be shaken (it’s funny how being called a “lesbo” as a kid was so “shocking”). Though I could really give a shit about what other people think, there is still a tiny piece of me that dreams of walking into my high school reunion and screaming, “Y’all are FAT!” and doing the midget-in-Twin-Peaks dance for 30 seconds before running outside.
This is why I felt slightly vindicated when I read the recent Wall Street Journal story regarding a Harvard study that found people who dress unconventionally have more influence over others.
So, if you’re a weirdo like me, take heart. YOU ARE A POWERFUL HUMAN.
Dressing like an oddball in public means you don’t give a shit, and by not giving a shit, people assume that you are in a position of power, influence or are a celebrity off of their meds. They specifically cite going into a luxury store with your sweatpants, which, though I will probably never step foot into a luxury store unless they’re giving away free chocolate or wine, this gives me great comfort in knowing that I can wear my sweatpants in public. But what I really took away from this article is that I can wear my Freddy Mercury chest hair to work.
But seriously, you should feel good about being an eccentric. All of those years of being made fun of or being looked at strangely really means that deep down naysayers were jealous and feared your power.
They were overcome with equal parts confusion, private parts-tingling and gas whenever you walked through the door. This is a huge win for the misfits of the world; we shall overcome and make everyone wear matching track suits for shits and giggles.
If you’ve ever questioned your unique style and feel like you should fit in more, slay those thoughts with a golden dagger now. Embrace it. Embrace your quirks! You have found your special purpose, and no normal human being hoping to shoot you and a bunch of cans can ever squash that. You are special, and yes, I mean both in the memorable AND socially awkward sense.
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Once, while shopping for a greaser costume in anticipation of a “Grease” sing-a-long at a local art house, I came to the upsetting realization that I had all I needed in my closet: straight legged blue jeans, black tee shirt, white socks, black shoes. So I attended the event in my daily uniform.
When I was in junior high, I routinely wore my grandpa’s oversized farm overalls with wretchedly beat up Montgomery Ward sneakers. It was gross (for my mother) but I thought I looked good. I also wore a straw old man hat I bought from a drug store. I’d still like to dress weirder than I do, but I have to look normal-ish for work.