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20-Something

20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

How To Stop Worrying

I’ve written a few times on Hipstercrite about how going freelance has improved my career confidence and has been mentally rewarding.

I’ve jokingly talked about how going freelance has made it difficult for me to remember to change my underwear or socialize with humans and not feral cats.

What I haven’t mentioned is that going freelance has amplified my anxieties and worries and at some point I’m concerned I will become agoraphobic.

This all sounds like wonderfully neurotic writer behavior but it is neither fun or helpful. It takes a lot for me to leave the house to socialize and when I do, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to pay attention or engage in conversation. I’ve mentioned this before, so I will not rehash too much. This behavior, which began before I went the freelance route and had decided to take my writing more seriously, has caused me friendships. When I started to stay home at the attempt of being more productive, it angered a few friends. One in particular (more…)

January 26, 2012 by
20-Something, Film, Music, Pop Culture

The Indie-Urban Existential Crisis

I’m reaching an age where it takes a lot for me to stay focused and interested in contemporary independent film and music.

I’m reaching an age where unless a film has a point or a song is originally written, displays some sort of individual talent and doesn’t sound like a band I heard back in the 60’s-90’s, I fall asleep, turn it off, or get up and leave.

This sort of behavior does not make it easy for me to go to the theater with friends or listen to music recommendations. Because of this, I’m absolutely not in the know on what is indie-urban popular, because, well, most of the time I think it’s absolute shit.

This goes against the idea of being a “hipstercrite”, I guess. I really can’t go on and on about how I hate Lana Del Rey, talk about what movies are currently hot at Sundance or manifest Ryan Gosling memes.

The alternative, the irreverent and the ironic is my bag, but lately I’m finding a lot of it forced and showing lack of skill. More often than that, I’m finding (more…)

January 24, 2012 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

This is Life at 28

I always knew that 28 was going to be a pivotal age for me.

When I still worked in Hollywood, 25 would be the age that the ball really started rolling career-wise, and 28 would be the age that I, for the lack of a lesser cheesy phrase, “made the big time”. I wasn’t sure what “making the big time” exactly entailed, but I knew it involved financial freedom and a certain amount of career notoriety that would prevent me from drinking at home alone and writing emo music lyrics on my mirror in marker.

Of course I never accounted for the fact that I would soon view my career path as repugnant as a public restroom on Venice Beach.

Well, both 25 and 28 were important ages, but not in the ways that I imagined they would be. At 25 I left the film business and moved to Austin and at 28 I left working 9-5 and went freelance. I also fell in love with an amazing person. I also started growing this cool Rogue-esque white patch in the front of my hair.

I’m halfway through my 28th year and (more…)

January 9, 2012 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

This is the Post Where I Bitch About Money

Money.

Didn’t come from it, never had it, don’t currently have it.

If  money was something I cared about more, then I probably wouldn’t be poor. Though I’ve worked non-stop since I was legally able, I care more about enjoying life than working towards being wealthy. The little taste I got of the 24/7 work lifestyle in Los Angeles was enough to push me into a constant state of living paycheck to paycheck.

I don’t like being poor. It’s not fun to not have extra money to buy things like a new book or clean underwear every once in awhile, but it’s the choice I made. I keep thinking that one day, maybe, I’ll strike rich. Maybe I’ll write a book and sell it. Maybe our movie will make it big. However, the older I get, I wonder if I’ll wake up one day at 45 and think, “Shit, I’m still dirt ass poor.”

Of course, I’m only 28, so maybe I shouldn’t be rich. The only people who are 28 and rich came from money or work in stocks.

I’m also an “artist” in a sense, so I’m supposed to be (more…)

January 6, 2012 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

Welcoming the End of the Quarter Life Crisis

2012 marks the last year of my twenties.

Previously, saying that made me collapse into a fit of inconsolable defeat. Once, on the phone with my father about my car being paid off when I’m 30, I fell to the floor during the middle of the conversation. All it took was me saying, “Well, when I’m 30…” and my brain processed that as someone taking a bat to the back of my knees. My father heard heaving gasps on the other line and waited for my two minute bawl fest to conclude before daring to continue the topic at hand.

I never thought I’d make it past 29. Not because I have a craving for horse tranquilizers or a death wish obsession with Kurt Cobain, but because it seemed nearly impossible to imagine a life past that. My brain simply would shut down when thinking about my 30s. Or maybe, much like the Mayans, my internal calendar simply stops on 2012. Being an only child of divorce, I never planned out my future to include things like marriage and children, so a life after 30 seemed (more…)

January 3, 2012 by
20-Something, Pop Culture

The Hipsterfication of NPR

source

NPR’s “The Hipsterfication of America“.

Dear God.

What happened?

I wanted to write about this last week when the article first came out but my mind was so blown, I had to spend the weekend recuperating.

NPR! I love you, but did you write this back in 2008 and forget to post it until now? Was it a slow news day? Did an 88 year-old man who has been living on a remote island out in the Galapagos write this? Or do you think that your viewership is strictly 88 year-olds, because I have news for you NPR, hipsters listen to you and we’re severely confused by this article.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading this article yet (it’s a short one), NPR decided it was time for America to know about hipsters.

“In case you haven’t noticed, hipsters — and those who cater to them — are everywhere. And that really galls some hipsters,” the author Linton Weeks (sounds like a James Thurber character!) stated. The article goes on to state that hipsterdom is an omnipresent culture- (more…)

November 22, 2011 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

I Believe in a Thing Called Love, Just Listen to the Rhythm of My Heart

Yesterday I took a big chance. I wrote an article about my boyfriend on CultureMap- which gets way more traffic than my blog does. I often find it difficult to write long posts, but I found myself able to nearly write a book about my boyfriend. The post, titled “Do You Believe in All the Cliches? A Sappy Relationship Story”, is about how I used to date douchebags and then one day I stopped. I met the most wonderful person and it made me believe that all those cheesy cliches about love might be true. I nervously watched as my boyfriend read the piece once it was posted. The more he read the more my stomach twisted in knots. He loved the piece and when he was done reading I went and gave him a tear-filled hug.

Enjoy the sap…

 ________

I used to date douchebags, then one day I stopped.

I’m not sure what made me stop acting this way. Maybe I finally grew up. Maybe I became more confident in who I was. Maybe I met the right person.

Or maybe it was all of those things combined.

Before (more…)

November 19, 2011 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life, Writing

When Good is Never Enough: A Dilemma for the Twenty-Something Blogger

I switched my blog over to WordPress a little over a month ago and I love it. Well, actually my wonderful web designer did because I couldn’t figure out how to do it. I mean, I could have maybe figured it out but I resorted back to that illogical fear that I’ll somehow make my blog implode by pushing the wrong button.

I love the options, the freedom I feel in writing multiple posts and the ability to respond to individual comments that the new blog brings. I still need to add some design work, but all-in-all, I’m very happy with the change.

One thing that stinks is that my traffic took a plummet. I’m still trying to figure out why and trying to correct the problem- if that’s possible. It kind of stressed me out. More than I care to admit. A lot of aspects of my writing have stressed me out lately and I hate to say it, but they’re for fairly superficial reasons.

Writing online is both extremely rewarding and mind-f’ing. One post you get a bunch of feedback or shares or likes (more…)

November 10, 2011 by
20-Something, Writing

Life of a Freelancer in Pictures

A wise man once told me that the key to being a balanced freelancer is making sure you change out of your pajamas every day.

So far I’ve failed miserably.

Changing clothes, brushing hair, going outside are all things I no longer know how to do.

Instead of telling you about my now two months as a freelancer, I thought I would show you in pictures.

Coffee no longer relieves headaches- it gives headaches

When you can no longer sit at your desk out of fear you will develop atrophy, watering dead plants is your only solace.

“Did I change my underwear yet today?” she wonders…

Staring at the ceiling fan pondering if you might die from lack of social interaction.

Going outside and looking for feral cats in the neighborhood because you’re not sure what else to do.

Excited to finally have time to cook but end up heating up  peanut butter with stuff.

Standing outside the window questioning whether you’ll ever being a human being again.

October 25, 2011 by
20-Something, Film, Hipstercrite Life

Under Your Spell

11:26PM 10/19/11

Watching Drive and writing that post today really got to me. The LA in Drive is the LA in so many movies and was the LA in my head when I lived there, though it’s not the LA that actually exists. I’ve written about this way too many times before, so I will not rehash it too much. Or maybe I will.

There are multiple LAs that exist in film- the glamorous 1920’s LA, the dangerous noir 40’s/50’s LA, the sunny carefree 1960’s LA, the porn/drug-riddled 70’s LA and the beautifully nihilistic 80’s LA. After that, the LA that exists now is the one we all know, but we want the other LAs, you know? The Day-Of-The-Locust-Who-Framed-Roger-Rabbit-Chinatown-LA-Confidential-Boogie Nights-Less-Than-Zero all rolled into one LA.

I just can’t stop thinking about her tonight. I can’t stop thinking about all the illusions and the dreams that weren’t real. The holding my breath, waiting for something to happen. The anticipation that anything– good or bad- would reveal itself to me. (more…)

October 20, 2011 by