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The Myths of Austin

Below is a freelance article I was working on that I missed the deadline for (I’m going to make a great freelance writer).
It is about the myths of Austin, Texas and whether they are true or not.
I spent a lot of time reading up on the history of Austin only to realize that it really doesn’t have any.
Well it’s no New York or Chicago, jeez!Nonetheless, I was able to scrounge up some interesting (?) myths about this fair city.
(And if I’m wrong with any of these…please let me know so I don’t make a huge ass of myself. PLEASE!?)

credit

1.) Does Austin have a celebrity homeless person?

Yes.A true testament to the open-mindedness of Austin, Texas, not only does the city have a celebrity homeless person, that same person also ran for mayor! Due to his friendly attitude, activism for the homeless, and unique fashion ensembles consisting of leopard print thongs and high heel shoes, Leslie Cochran has been a colorful, yet notable fixture in the Austin community for years. It’s (more…)
August 10, 2010 by
Austin

Austintacious

Hey Everyone,
Things are kind of nutty here with SXSW, so while I work on a bunch of posts for next week, please read a little love letter I wrote to Austin a few months ago.

Stopped at a traffic light last Friday afternoon, I glanced up at a familiar restaurant marquee that usually carried a quip relating to the latest music festival/bike rally/music rally/bike festival in Austin that week. However, this time the words bore a different sentiment: “Go Texas! Win it for Leslie!” The light turned green and I found myself driving south down Congress Avenue with tears pooling at the bottom of my eyelids.
Every Austinite knows who Leslie is. He is the city mascot. The epitome of what makes Austin unique. For those who do not know him, Leslie Cochran is a homeless man who wears a leopard print thong. He has run for city mayor multiple times and has been reviewed 53 times on Yelp. He is an extremely articulate and sweet-natured man. No one has a bad thing to say about Leslie.

Which is why (more…)

March 12, 2010 by
Austin

Welcome to Austin, SXSWers!

First post in my Austin, TX series for SXSW
It’s that time of year again.
The time of year where you stock up on your Adderall or Xanax or Xantac or horse tranquilizers and set your Facebook tagged photos to private.
South by Southwest Interactive and Film will be starting this Friday, with the music portion beginning next Wednesday.
What does that mean for you?
That means your chances of getting drunk with Bill Murrary or hooking up with a hipster from Brooklyn who is in a band with the words “bear”, “deer”, “neon”, “gold”, or “black” in it have just improved.
If you’re new to Austin, here is a list of traits that make our town so unique. Come and join the fun!

1.) The entire city collectively waits with bated breath for the Groupon of the day.

2.) At anytime in anyplace, your chances of hearing New Order playing on the sound system are 2 to 1.

3.) We treat music festivals like national holidays (and we really don’t have a choice).
4.) Overhear conversations that start with, (person looking (more…)
March 9, 2010 by
Austin

Look At These Photos! LOOK AT THEM!

So, it looks like my has brain died.

I don’t know what happened, but it just doesn’t work anymore.
While I take it in to get fixed, check out these photos of Austin.
(You know you love it).


February 22, 2010 by
Austin

A One Woman Austin Tourism Bureau

An Austin friend, who just drove to California for a getaway, texted me last night to say she is in now love with LA and wants to move there.
Then I threw my phone against the wall.
Having lived in Los Angeles for five years, I understand the allure behind it. Hell, I’m still in love with the city (in a f’ed up Sid & Nancy kind of way), but after hearing horror stories of high unemployment rates, high cost of living, lack of financial aid, lack of unemployment aid, non refund of tax returns, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to live there right now. California is a beautiful state that has been run into the ground.
California, one day I may return to you, but get some help. You’re looking sloppy.
Why Austin is way better than your city:
1.) Unemployment rate is 6.6% vs. National Average 10.0% (latest stat from BLS Dec 2009)
2.) We have vigils for injured homeless celebrities (who wear leopard print thongs and run for city mayor)

3. ) There is no state income tax (I bring home (more…)
February 12, 2010 by
Austin

Yes, I like karaoke. AND YES, I’M PROUD OF IT!

One of the many reasons why Austin is much cooler than your city, is that it boasts a karaoke tournament.
That’s right.
This isn’t just any ol’ karaoke tournament. It’s the f’ing National Karaoke League.
And you’re talking to one of the champions right here.
Yep.
Team Steve Perry’s Excellent Adventure.
In last year’s tournament, we went from being in last place to winning the entire championship in one evening, much to the other teams dismay.
It was like a scene out of any formulaic 80’s comedy. We were the nerdy team, the underdog, the John Cusack that rallied against the bullies, the dudes with the polo shirts and perfectly coiffed blonde hair, the James Spaders. 
I took off my pants, Nolan ripped off his shirt, a girl fell and hit her head. 
It was the evening of all evenings.
After competing in yet another round of competition on Sunday (where we happily and willing lost to a drag queen), we’ve decided to get the team back together. This (more…)
January 27, 2010 by
Austin

SXSW 2010 Music Call Sheet (Halfway Through)

SXSW 2010 Music Call Sheet Continued….

Worst Band Name To Google:
Aa (Brooklyn)- Try finding their website!

Cause Everything is Better in Iceland:
Olof Arnalds (Iceland)- ‘Cause she looks and sounds like a little Icelandic Pixie

Someone I Think I’d Like to See:
A Shoreline Dream (Denver)- Nice shoegazey band that gets extra points ’cause their Myspace status says “Dreaming of Austin” and they seem to really really like Radiohead.
Break of Reality (NYC) Their stuff sounds like it should have been in “Last Temptation of Christ”. Peter Gabriel approved!
Dappled Cities (Sydney)- They really sound like every other indie rock band, but I like it!
Michael Feinberg (NYC) Not sure which I love more, the NY Jewish accountant-like name or the sweet jazz that comes from his fingertips.
Malente (Germany)- FUNK IN THE JUNK!

Best Voice:
Male- Contra Coup (Austin)- If Danny Elfman and Antony Hegarty had a baby.
Female- Julie Peel  (Montreal)- (more…)

January 26, 2010 by
Austin

SXSW 2010 Music Call Sheet

Austin’s South by Southwest is rapidly approaching (Mar. 12th-21st). I am making a vow to not do what I did last year, which was not go to a single event and sit in the corner and pout and mumble about how much I hate a festival that I’ve never even gone to.
There was really no call for it.
I was just bitter that I had to work the entire week and it would take me three times as long to drive anywhere. GO BACK TO L.A!

This year I will see shows if it kills me (fast forward to me sitting home alone on the couch with a tub of peanut butter).

Here is a list of some of the music acts this year. I’m still learning the list myself so there will be more to come.

Bands You Have Heard Of:
Neon Indian
Fool’s Gold
The Crystal Method
Robyn Hitchcock
Deer Tick
The Boxer Rebellion
We Are Scientists
Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso UFO

Best Band Name of a Band I’ve Never Heard Of:
And So I Watch You From Afar
I Fight Dragons
Hot Panda
Bastard Child Death Cult

Austin Bands You MUST Check Out:
Suzanna Choffel – (more…)

January 25, 2010 by
Austin

The World is Really Wild at Heart and Weird on Top, Lula Thought

I’m sitting in a cracked leather booth somewhere in the desert of west Texas.
I squint through the blinds and a faded sign tells me that I’m at Papa’s Pantry in Van Horn.
There are three ceiling fans in Papa’s Pantry.
They’re lazy, just like the tongue of the waitress who brings me my iced tea.
Wait, aren’t I still in Los Angeles?
Who are these two guys sitting behind me with cowboy hats?
Typically such a scene would mean I wandered onto a movie set.
But there are no lights and cameras in Papa’s Pantry.
I take a deep breathe and let out a slow exhale. Somebody has finally released the nozzle and let all the air out.
It feels good.
It feels terrifying.

I slept in Lourdsburg, New Mexico last night. A railroad town, a border town. Not a ghost walked the lone sidewalk. I drove down the main drag to one cheap motel after another. Neglected and outdated signs guiding the way. They all looked the same. Midnight and stucco. Cream and rot. Somewhere in the dark, I spotted a florescent beacon that told (more…)

December 21, 2009 by
Austin

This Must Be The Place (Not a Naive Melody)


With the new year pending, you’re probably thinking, “January 1st will be a good time to abandon the wife and child in the night and start a new life somewhere else”.

Well don’t come to Austin, TX.

Especially if you’re from L.A.

I was the last person they let in from California here in Texas. The gates are locked and they don’t want anyone else, you hear?

I’m sorry California didn’t give you your tax return this year but go to South Dakota or Idaho. The unemployment rate is ridiculously low there right now. Let me tell you, animal husbandry will be ten times more rewarding than being a corporate drone.

———————–

Austin is too good for me. I don’t deserve her.
She took me in with open arms after I tore away from the suffocating hands of Los Angeles. No questions asked. Just picked me up, brushed me off, and rocked me to sleep.
She’s still rocking me.

When people ask me, “So, how is living in Texas?” with that little grin suggesting what they’re really asking is, “So, what on Earth possessed (more…)

December 20, 2009 by