Writing

My blog used to be really boring.
Hell, it could still be boring, who knows?
Y’all just might be nice folk who don’t have the heart to tell me how much my blog bores the living shit out you.
Just like how I’m convinced that I’m mildly retarded and everyone is just too damn nice to say anything.
It’s ok, you can tell me.

Hipstercrite originally started as PlasticLA back in April of 2006.
It was a place for me to go on and on and blah blah blah about my love for Los Angeles…before the Kool-Aid wore off.

90’s music was a black void for me.
When I should have been reveling in the grittiness of Nirvana, the angstiness of Alanis Morissette, the demureness of Beck, and the whateverness of Bjork, I was too busy going through my awkward Elton John phase where I’d only wear sequin vests and pant suits. I’ve been told that I’m an old soul, and considering that I always wanted to be a drunk flapper from the ’20’s, listening to current music was not a priority of mine.

However, as I got older, my normally nonstop-talky self noticed gaps appearing in the conversations with my peers about the music of our childhood. When the subject of 90’s music came up, I had nothing to add, no little anecdotes about the first Gavin Rossdale t-shirt I bought or the countless hours I listened to Live Through This on the basement floor.

Still to this day, I don’t feel like I missed out on 90’s music (and let the violence commence), and there have only been a few artists that I’ve been interested in discovering after the (more…)

This is not my big coming out story.

I wish it was.

That probably won’t happen until about four divorces down the road- and even then I’m not sure.

I like boys too much.

And when I say boys, I mean boys.

I used to not even be a champion of my own gender.
Can you believe that!?
I was one of those assholes.

I would distance myself as much as possible, referring to other women as “chicks”, and thinking that I fell into some other category- the “Lauren” species.

I was my own gender.

Like Prince.

But with zero sex appeal.

And less pubic hair.

I had difficulty relating to “women”. I wasn’t into crying about boys and manicures and tanning salons and rag magazines and any other thing I, or the media, could generalize about the females. Because of that, I distanced myself from the ladies and made only friends with dudes.

Then one day, I realized that I did cry about boys.
And at Pixar movies.
Oh, and anything that Nicholas Sparks touched.
And especially those commercials featuring animals and Sarah McLachlan.
And (more…)

One of the many reasons why Austin is so freakin’ cool is because of its array of talented and creative entrepreneurs.

Austin has been a hotbed for companies and business-savvy folks for decades because of its low cost of living and high quality life. Interviewed by Fast Company, Bryan Menell of the super rad website, Austin Startup, also points out that Austin offers, “large venture capital firms, graduates from the university of Texas at Austin, and a state fund called, Emerging Technology Fund” to attract new technology companies to the area. It doesn’t hurt that Austin is continually written about in Forbes, Kiplinger, Money Magazine, and US News as well. Any new yearly list that comes out on where to start a business or where to live- Austin is on it.

Here is a little history of some of the interesting independent businesses, tech and non-tech, that started in Austin that you may have heard of…

Sweet Leaf Company– According to Sweet Leaf’s website– a young man named Clayton Christopher (more…)

Ok, this is already old news to y’all in Austin, but to everyone else, Fun Fun Fun Fest has just released their most updated schedule for this year’s line-up November 6-7 in Austin, Texas.

What the f is Fun Fun Fun Fest, you ask?

Well, it’s only one of the fastest growing and awesomenessmestism music festivals in Austin, duh!

Take a gander at some the acts that will be gracing the stage and blowing your mind in Waterloo Park, won’t you…?

WON’T YOU?!

Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti
Bad Religion
Best Coast
Delorean
Devo
Dirty Projectors
Gwar
The Hold Steady
MGMT
Peelander-Z
The Vandals
The Wavves
Weird Al

Just to name a few…

But of course, one of the BEST parts of Fun Fun Fest is not only their ability to book gigantosaurus acts, but their showcasing of diverse local talent as well:

Alamo’s “Air Sex Competition”
Alamo’s Master Pancake Video Jukebox
Austin Facial Hair Club Bearded Kissing Booth
Black Nasty
Butcher Bear & Charlie
Live Tesla Coil Show by Arc Attack!
Mother Falcon– These kids will knock your socks (more…)

On the anniversary.

You were a symbol of potential.

A place of creation.

We all came to you with different purposes.

I met you through a friend from second grade. He lived on your land. He was there to make music and movies and art and poetry. We somehow found our way from Upstate New York to your valley, your little place in the world, in the Angeles National Forest- twelve years later.

You had many people coming and going, but mostly staying.

And then more and more people coming.

My friends lived with you and I met a boy there.
The most beautiful boy in all the world.

Your dark, winding drive through the mountains brought me closer and closer to laying on that mattress next to the beautiful boy with the long blond hair and the three-piece suit.
Brought me closer to that arm that wouldn’t let me go.

But that passed and you became something new.

You acquainted me with artists and musicians and lovers and dreamers and we all sat around talking, creating, waiting for something magical to happen.

And (more…)

I love the 80’s.

I love them so much that I’ve spent the entire morning trying to find the words to describe my feelings.

I haven’t come up with much:

If I could have gotten a college degree in the 80’s, I would have.
However, I was, like, 2 years-old in the 80’s, so I would have been a really f’ing smart baby.
I’d been the most knowledged person in all things 80’s and blow you away with my comprehension of Prince’s discography and other things like that.
Can you imagine a 2 year-old who can sing every single Prince song?
I didn’t think so.

That’s about as much as I could come up with.

In lieu of what words can’t describe, please check out these awesome 80’s finds on Etsy:

Haven’t you always wanted a bunch of little, tiny Michaels adorning the walls of your Crate & Barrel catalog home? $10.99

Last week I wrote a post about an ex, calling him both “the worst boyfriend and best ex-boyfriend I ever had” and listing examples on why. The post was written in jest and I firmly believed that he wouldn’t read the post due to his acknowledgement while dating that he could give a shit about my blog.

I was wrong.

Someone brought the post “to his attention” (way to go, ass!) and I got a somewhat angry email from him the next day.

I apologized, explained that the post was meant to be light, and that I would remove it if he so desired.

I have not heard from him but I removed the entry anyways.

This is not the first time my blog has gotten me in trouble with someone close in my life. My parents and I now have an understanding that they are to never read my blog, unless I specify a particular post. If they do go to that post, their eyes are not to deviate elsewhere on the page. This isn’t a rule that I mandated, but an observation they figured out themselves. Though my mother has not pointed out (more…)

Last night I attended the Austin chapter of Mortified.
If you haven’t heard of Mortified or don’t listen to NPR, what kind of fucking hipster are you?!

Oh wait, I keep hearing that that word is dead (and therefore my blog irrelevant?)

What kind of fucking young, creative urbanite are you!?

Mortified is when a bunch of adults go onstage and read awkward diary entries from when they were kids to an encouraging audience.

The set I saw last night was good. Intimidatingly good. These people were once bona fide dorks, nerds, geeks, freaks, and dweebs.

I on the other hand, sat there in shame realizing I could never own my adolescent awkwardness as well as they did.

I was a nerd alright, but a color-inside-the-lines nerd. I had a great childhood. Full of non-angst and zero boy drama. In fact, I wasn’t even sure I liked boys. I knew I didn’t like girls, but I just didn’t like anyone other than myself. If I thought I could have married myself, I would have. Of course that led to my mother quite seriously (more…)

It is while giving her boss a blow job that Lola Milstein realizes it’s time to get out of LA.

At this exact second, somewhere in Austin, TX, Kevin Horowitz wakes from the best dream he’s ever had.

These corresponding moments are not incidental, for Lola and Kevin share a connection deeper than the one they already know exists. An intricate web of a million moments striving for a great point.

Like a zombie smelling blood, Lola sits up, coldly pries her lips from her boss’ near ready to unload dick and starts walking towards her desk.

Three years of being this asshole’s assistant. Three years of picking up his dry cleaning, his coffee, his girlfriend’s birth control pills, his Viagra. Three years of having her job held over her head for an end all goal she could not see.

Three years of no longer knowing who she was.

The adrenaline running through her system completely overshadows the reality that only $300 exists in her bank account and that she, in fact, has no idea what she will do for a job.

“What (more…)