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Discovering Your Sexuality Through Hairy Gay Men

Remember that age when you started discovering your sexuality?

That awkward, dreadful time when you didn’t understand why your male friends suddnely felt the urge to show you their penises while you were trying to reenact “X-files” episodes in the basement of your house, or why you got that funny feeling when you climbed the rope in gym?
When classmates started throwing around the words “pink”, “taco”, “tossing” and “salad” and you still thought they were talking about food, and your class president got detention for receiving something called a “blow job” on the 8th grade school trip to D.C.?
Then there you were. Clueless and wearing a sports bra. Fantisizing over a picture of a shirtless Elton John from 1972 hanging above your bed.

I wish I could say it was 1972 when I would gawk at this picture. That would make a little more sense.
I guess?
However, it was 1997. While all my friends carried pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and Gavin Rossdale in their text books, I licked my lips over a twenty-five (more…)
April 9, 2010 by
Writing

Baby Hipsters

Hey Everyone!
I decided that the internet needs another hipster photo blog and have created “Baby Hipsters“.
Babies are hipsters too and their voices need to be heard!
I would love for you all to participate, but I definitely don’t need feedback. I already know that this is a stupid, half-ass idea and I don’t need you reminding me of that.
Wait, I do need feedback, but just nothing mean, ok? My delicate ego can’t handle it.
If you’d like to submit a hipstery-looking photo of yourself as a toddler or of your own kid, please email me at [email protected]
Please join in!
Here is a taste of what the website will look like:

Lou thought that going to the Kenny Loggins show would be “ironic”, but ultimately left the concert feeling sad and confused.

Sandra was torn on whether a $60 Jean-Paul Gautier dress in Spanish Mustard from Target was actually a good investment.

Telling her friends and family that it was a “social experiment”, Tami quit her job as an editorial assistant and tried forging a (more…)
April 8, 2010 by
Writing

Fashion- Necklaces for the "Young, Creative Urbanite"

The word “hipster” dead?
Nah. Never!
Here are some of my favorite Etsy hipster finds this week.
It’s all about necklaces.

Can I ride your pennyfarth? $28
Cover of the next Bret Easton Ellis novel $110

Mr. Hatstache wants to be close to you $13.99

Taken and gilded from the tiniest deer in the world $29

God’s (or whomever’s) greatest gift- the saltine cracker $18

Gun $140

Stabby LeBear $10

What all animals really want to do to Poodles $10


Mr. Octopus, The Song-and-Dance Man! $21.99

For those who can’t tie $15

Dirty Diana $16.75
Jazz hands! $16.75

When routine bites hard $152
April 7, 2010 by
Writing

Choose Your Own Adventure

I’ve discovered as of late, that my creative output is directly related to the amount of uncomfortable experiences I encounter on a weekly basis (for example, last September’s run-in with my housemate who tried doing her best impression of Danny Bonaduce circa 1989) . When my life is traversing down the proverbial road, resembling a drunk driver looking for the glowing beacon of an all-night Taco Bell, my writing is at it’s peak. When I work 12 hour days and fall asleep in my work clothes at 10PM next to a bottle of Don Juilo, my writing lags. So, in order for me to fulfill the promise I made to myself as I drove east from California to Texas with no plan other than to write, I will begin actively seeking out fish-out-of-water scenarios for myself and the sake of my writing.
Here are some examples of what I would like to experience:
-I’ve always wanted to drive through the bayou and “accidently” come across an old Southern Baptist church. A heavenly light will gleam through the clapboard (more…)
April 6, 2010 by
Writing

Jeff Goldblum Haunts My Dreams

When somebody begins a sentence with, “I had the craziest dream last night…”, I typically have to grab hold of the nearest stationary object in order to prevent myself from briskly and purposely standing up and walking away. It takes every iota of strength for me to muster a smile and pretend to act interested in the impending story. Most of the time, I end up looking like a constipated child as I stand there, trying to ignore the rumble of anxiety that is boiling inside of me. Inside I scream , “Dear Lord, please don’t let me sit through another one of these!”, but instead, I grit and bear it and try to remember my mother’s suggestion that it’s not about me all the time, that other people have a right to talk as well.
However, I feel that even the best storyteller can not make a dream story interesting. Michael, the German, who has stories about taking a dump on the NYC subway platform during the middle of the work day and microwaving a dead cat, wouldn’t be able to make a dream story (more…)
April 5, 2010 by
Writing

A Note to My Parents: That’s Some Cold Shit


“Your Grandmother wants you to move back to Central New York. She thinks you can find a job in Syracuse or something”

“WHAT?! First of all that is crazy talk. Central New York is the most economically depressing and subsequently emotionally depressing area of the country I’ve ever seen. Secondly, I love Austin and I’ve made a great life for myself. Why does she want me to move back? Because she misses me or because she thinks I can’t take care of myself?”

“Well, we worry about you becoming a vagabond. You know….”

“What?!”

“We just don’t want you to become a certain 56 year-old man that we know.”

“57, Mom.”

“He’s not 57.”

“Yes, he is. He was born two years before you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ve been not married to your father more than I was married to him, so how the hell should I know?”

“Dad really enjoys his life. Yes, he’s maybe had two wives, lived in seven different states, had thirty different jobs, and thirty-five cars, and now he’s an actor in Los Angeles, but he’s happy!”

Silence.

Then (more…)

April 2, 2010 by
Writing

Music- Who is Arthur Russell? (This Will Most Likely Change Your Life)


Arthur Russell seems to be part of the hot, new hipster music trend right now, and understandably so.

Not only was Russell a brilliant musician, but lived the life hipsters dream of: homosexual male living in East Village during the 70’s and 80’s and hanging out with Phillip Glass, Allen Ginsberg, David Byrne, and Laurie Anderson.
Or maybe that’s just my dream.
I did not know of Russell until I moved to Austin, TX. His music seems to be on par with the soul of this city. Though New York and Texas are worlds apart, I have no doubt Russell would have liked it here.
Listening to Russell’s music feels like tiny fingers closing in on your heart. With the beginning of each song, the same loss of breathe equivalent to falling in love escapes you. If you believe in soul mates, then his voice and cello met their match.
Who is Arthur Russell to me?
He was a Sunday afternoon.
Bed sheets blowing in the wind. Or twisted up on a bed.
A white wall.
A distant dream.
Driving around at 3AM.
Being five years old (more…)
April 1, 2010 by
Writing

Broke Hipster Budgeting Tips

Last night, I came across a helpful article titled, “How to Save Money the Hipster Way” on WalletPop. The author, Steven Kent, was pretty spot on with his list: “Thou shall not pay more than $20 for a show” or “Thou shall not pay more than $2 for beer” seems to ring true with every hipster.

However, I noticed a few items missing.

Here is my list on how to save money the hipster way.

How do you save?

1.) Shop at Thrift Stores– Well, duh. When I was 16 and stupid, shopping at the Salvation Army was not even a thought in my head. I wore vintage clothing, but only from the treasure troves of my mother and grandmother’s closets. Now, ten years later, I ONLY shop at thrift stores. What did I know? Nothing. My favorite thrift store in Austin is Thrift Town. It’s a southwestern chain with great specials every month. The items below I got during their 50% off sale. $2.99 for the shoes, $3.99 for the dress.

2.) Repurpose Old Clothing/Buy Accessories– When you get the urge to buy a new outfit, stop. Chances (more…)

March 30, 2010 by
Writing

Who Has the Best Abs for a Dead Dude?

While I work on a post about being a poor hipster…
Who Has the Best Abs for a Dead Guy?
What is your pick?

“I may or may not be wearing underwear right now. You decide.”


             “Do you think these pants conceal my hips? I feel fat today.”


                  “Come any closer and I’ll slice you with my abs.”
         I never knew Paul Newman was Jewish. My grandma would approve!
                           Fail.
                         “Cary, do you think this makes us look gay?”

                                                What a bush!
     (more…)
March 29, 2010 by
Writing

Oodles and Pickles

It’s not hard for me to ramble on just about anything.
I can tell you in great detail how I improperly wore tampons by shoving them in my cootch only halfway or used to drink myself to sleep by 9PM on Friday nights (not before documenting it on camera). I can wax poetic about all the dudes whose asses I’ve seen and explain how I used to go after men who most likely ate paint chips as a child.

Those things I don’t mind talking about.

However, there is one topic that I rarely discuss. It’s a subject so dear to me, I have difficulty mustering the words to describe how I feel. Even now, I can’t find the words to convey how I can’t find the words about how I feel towards my family. The emotions are just so big that any attempt at description will involve endless adjectives and run on sentences.

Since coming to the conclusion that I will not be making it home this summer for the first time in six years, I’ve been dwelling on the fact that the people I love are getting old. I’m getting old. Time is (more…)
March 29, 2010 by