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Writing

A Brutally Embarrassing Coming-of-Age Story

My mother wanted to keep me in an arrested state of development. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s that most parents don’t want to see their little babies grow up. Or maybe they don’t want us to become familiar with our burgeoning sexuality and have us shame the family by getting knocked up at 15. Maybe they’re just prude. Or asexual. Which might both be the case with my mother (Yo Mom, if you’re reading this, STOP RIGHT NOW!)

At 13 when most girls had freshly shaved appendages and a new found interest in what Victoria’s Secret had to offer, I was still tomboyin’ it with furry legs and a sports bra that may or may not have stunted my breast growth. Mom told me there was no reason to grow up so quickly and like so many stupid stupid children, I believed what my mother told me.

Take for example her neglecting to introduce me to tampons.

For years, when I got my period, I’d walk around with a bulky pad between my legs. The official adult diaper (no, well, I guess that would be Depends, wouldn’t it?). (more…)

Writing

How To Be A 1980’s Awesome Man

Bryan Ferry, Danny Elfman, Robert Palmer, Peter Gabriel, David Byrne.

What do these men all have in common?

I would each have their child and it would be the most beautiful and talented family that was ever created!!!

We’d name our children names like “Radio” and “Soliloquy” and all live on our own island somewhere in the Caribbean. Byrne and Ferry will co-write a song about me titled, “The Girl Standing On the Window Ledge” and duet battle onstage to see who has the best awkward vibrato. At some point it’s decided that I will manage all five of them and try to name the group “The Fer Elf Pal Gab Byr Five”. Egos flair up over who has the sexiest swagger and Elfman takes a defiant dump during the middle of a performance to show who is boss. The band breaks up three shows in, and Gabriel takes all the children to an African music camp. I go into a deep depression that I numb with the help of horse tranquilizers. Ferry and Palmer run off with underaged English models and Byrne turns our Caribbean (more…)
Writing

Top Ten Ways We Know We’re Turning Into Our Parents

I am a product of the Baby Boomers born in the Millennium Generation. I often fancy myself as a child still. Full of naivety and wonder.
However, lately, signs are pointing to the opposite.

While discussing the importance of comfortable shoes with my friend yesterday, I looked up at a mirror and saw my mother looking back at me. The same hand gestures, the same facial expressions, the same use of the phrase, “Out. Of. This. World!”- the Mom equivalent of “OMG!”, when describing an item that I like (an item such as brand new SAS loafers).

My mother is a beautiful and strong woman, I’d be so lucky to turn into her, but having overly-animated conversations with her about “The Housewives of Orange County” and taking up her suggestion of including a bowl of Fiber One in my daily diet frightens me a little. What happened to the defiant child that locked herself in her room when a Michael McDonald record came on in the house? Or the girl that used to make fun of her father when he fell asleep in (more…)

Writing

SXSW Music- Suzanna Choffel

I’ve never been much for female vocalists or singer-songwriters, but Austin, TX musician Suzanna Choffel has changed all that for me.

A little bit of jazz, a little bit of folk, and a little bit of rock, Suzanna’s music is unlike any other. Her voice is both sad and optimistic. Listening to her puts me in a reflective mood. A sort of Sunday feeling.

Her new song, “Archer”, produced by my co-worker, Danny Reisch, is possibly my favorite songs right now. Check it out at the top of her Myspace page.

Down below is her performance of “Hey Mister” on ME TV.


Writing

SXSW Music- Delorean

Checked out this rad band, Delorean, last night. They’re from Spain and freakin’ awesome!
Kind of like a more synth poppy M83.
Shoegazing mixed with some thumping beats.
They also have a kick ass name.
Check out their song, “Deli”, below.
DO IT!


SXSW schedule:

mar 18 2010

12:00p
SXSW-INSOUND PARTY@CLUB DEVILLE austin, texas
mar 18 2010 6:30p
SXSW- TRUE PANTHER PARTY@MS. BEAS austin, texas
mar 19 2010 11:00p
SXSW – WINDISH SHOWCASE@EMOS austin, texas
Writing

Aspiring Writers- Seed.com

Hey Everyone!
Just got back from a AOL/Seed luncheon at SXSW.

Seed.com is a wonderful new program launched through AOL that lists available paid online work for freelance writers and photographers. I was acquainted to Seed through Spinner.com who was utilizing the platform for their SXSW contributor coverage.

This is a terrific and legit program for aspiring writers and photographers and is growing every day! Stop by and take a look!

Here is an example of work I did through Seed/Spinner. I interviewed a wonderful band out of San Francisco called Minipop. They will be playing SXSW at Aces Lounge on Saturday at 10PM. If you like Mazzy Star or dreamy pop/shoegazing, then you’ll dig this band.

Writing

Day 1

Today is Day #1 of the music portion of SXSW.

Which means the craziness has begun. 
I’m running off to a luncheon for AOL/Spinner regarding Seed.com
I’ll tell you more about it later.
I haven’t showered and I still have my eye makeup on from last night.
My Mom would be proud.
It’s so soft and lays perfectly! Love it!
My $2.99 boots from Thrift Town and Opaque pantyhose in Paprika from American Apparel.
See you all later today!
Writing

SXSW Survival Gear

You’re in Austin.

You’re about to see an ass load of indie bands perform out of every nook and cranny of this city.
It’s 95 degrees, then it suddenly hails, then it goes back to 95 degrees with a humidity index of 99%.
You spot a boy who wears a smaller jean size than you and you are determined to make out with him by the end of the night.
It’s late, you’re drunk off of Lone Stars because you only had seven breakfast tacos about twelve hours ago, and you have blisters lining the bottom of your feet.
These are questions and scenarios that will arise this week during SXSW.
Don’t be unprepared!
Follow my survival guide list below and you’re sure to have a worth-while and healthy SXSW experience.
1.) The Fanny Pack– Fuck purses. Who said these ever went out of style? WHO? TELL ME! I recommend the American Apparel shiny denim fanny pack in royal blue because it’s awe-inspiring. Look at it. LOOK AT IT! Pretty.

2.) A Pair of Tom’s Shoes– Never mind. These hipster staples are like having a thin layer of (more…)
Writing

The Day I Realized I Was a Hipster


Not that long ago, I received an email from an Austin-based musician very eloquently sharing with me the day he realized he was a hipster. His words were poignant, describing his realization as though he was suddenly inflicted with an incurable disease- Hipstermystalacosis.

I related to his story and I think you will too.

When I was thirteen and running around in suspenders and non-prescription eyeglasses, I knew there was a name for me. For years I fought the label, but gave up my denial of being a hipster when I christened the name of my blog Hipstercrite.

Now when someone calls me a hipster, I shake my head in agreement. I am a hipster and probably always will be.

Hipsters, stand up tall! Unite!

Dear Lauren,

I’ve been an admirer of your page for a few months. I was linked through “TapeBombs,” a music blog run by an acquaintance of mine.


Like you, I am dangerously preoccupied with hipsterism and spend a good deal of my day confronting the issue. The reason I am mailing is because I think (more…)