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SXSW 2010 Film Lineup: The Forgotten Stepchild

All this talk about the SXSW 2010 Music lineup!
But what about the movies, huh?
You know, SXSW ain’t too shabby in the film department. The festival has introduced us to such great hits as: I Love You Man, Moon, Adventureland, Hurt Locker, 21, American Teen, Choke, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Shine a Light.


Here are some highlights of the SXSW 2010 Film lineup:

It’s Austin, Why Wouldn’t There Be a Bunch of Movies About Music?
–Lemmy– All I know about Lemmy is that he has a mustache that can kill. And he looks like he belongs in a gay porno. I don’t think I like Motorhead, but I’m sure this doc rocks nonetheless.
–The White Stripes Under Great White Northern Lights– Why wouldn’t the White Stripes come up with such an epic title for their documentary? This doc follows the band across Canada as they converge on their 10th anniversary performance.

–The Runaways– This film about the 70’s rock band, The Runaways, stars Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning and premiered last month at Sundance. After (more…)
February 24, 2010 by
Writing

My Father is Like Richard Branson But Without the Billions Of Dollars Part

*(Dad, I know you texted me to say that you’re reading my blog right now, but do us both a favor and don’t read this one. Unless you’re drunk. But it’s 8AM in California, so you’re probably not).

“I slept in a parking lot with a bunch of homeless people last night,” my father proudly told me over the phone.

I nearly swallowed my tongue.

“Why, Dad?”

The word “why” is a common word used while talking to my father. “When” is not necessary since time rarely plays a part in his story. “Where” is also not crucial to the story unless it involves “Skid Row” (which has come up a number of times). “Who” may sometimes pop up because his little episodes of keeping boredom at bay often effect other people (specifically two ex-wives and a daughter). “What” is probably the most common word used after “why”, as in, “What the f*ck did you just do Dad?!”

“Yeah, they have this whole system going on where they sleep in this hotel parking lot, then use the hotel showers and get continental breakfast in the morning. (more…)

February 23, 2010 by
Writing

Talk About Bum Cakes My Girl’s Got ‘Em

As you all probably know, American Apparel is currently searching for “The Best Bottom in the World!” Commentary on this contest is moot considering it does all the talking for itself.
I’ve combed through over 1200 butts to find you my favorites. Thoughts?
(P.S.- If you get a chance, please check out my post at Alternative Apparel today and let me know your thoughts)

Ginger was surprised at how much the tree tasted like snozberries.

Finally fed up with not being able to get her shirt on, Suzy left the house and was quickly mounted by a neighborhood kid who mistook her for a pony.

Seeing a large American Apparel billboard while walking down Sunset Boulevard, Lindsey had an epiphany. “Is that what I look like?!” she shouted into the air. She promptly turned around and threw up in the nearest trash can.

Steve refused to look out the window and see a world where Geraldo Rivera impersonators are not accepted.

Dana’s lifelong dream of becoming a My Little Pony was finally taking shape.

The ideology of (more…)
February 19, 2010 by
Writing

This is A Quickie Post (That’s What She Said)

I unfortunately don’t have time to write a post today, so I’m going to force you to look at pictures of me.
Some of you yesterday asked to expand on my time in Hollywood. I used to be a personal assistant. Through my work, I was able to meet many of wonderful people and go to places I’ve never been. It was an insane roller coaster that I don’t regret for a second.
Here are some pics of people I met/worked with below.

This is the one guy that made me most weak in the knees. I was at a movie premiere, a movie that my boss and a friend produced, and they introduced me to him. There was talk about producing the next Pee-Wee movie, but sadly, nothing ever came of it on our end. I’m hoping Paul makes a new Pee-Wee movie soon!

I couldn’t stop staring at Thomas Lennon’s junk. This was taken in front of our office at Sunset Gower. Reno 911! shared the same building as us. I would walk by Thomas Lennon every day and blush.

Good memories

What you don’t see in this picture is the cow to the left of Lynch.
February 18, 2010 by
Writing

The One Where I Couldn’t Come Up With A Semi-Witty Title But Desperately Wanted To

I realized recently that I do not get super personal on my blog.

Wait!
That’s kind of a lie.
I will talk about former flames and certain traits that they probably don’t want discussed on an open forum, former solitary drinking habits, and dreams of running naked through the desert of Western Texas, but I do not talk about the day-to-day aspects of my life.
The only bits of info that you probably really know about me is that I’m in love with David Byrne, Jeff Goldblum, and Crispin Glover and that I like being photographed with mannequins.
Oh, and that I talk about Austin, TX a little too much.
Over the past six months, I’ve had so many wonderful and interesting new friends join my blog. I would like to share a little more about myself in hopes that you will in turn tell me your darkest secrets.

My son Skippy and I

Name: Lauren
Age: 26
Hometown: Lonelytown, NY (the best thing to do on a Saturday night was go to Denny’s….and that even shut down. Now it’s Wal-mart)
Current Town: Austin, TX (Heaven (more…)
February 17, 2010 by
Writing

It’s Sappy Fun Happy Thank You Time!

I want to thank every one of you who take a few minutes out of your day to read my blog.
Your interest and comments are what keep me writing. Many of you have helped to create confidence in myself as a writer, and for that, I’m forever grateful.
I wish there was a way to thank all of individually, but the best I can do is show you some of the blogs that have supported and inspired me along the way.
_________________
Photography- Thar She Blargs
In our day-to-day journey, we connect with thousands of people. We collect each other like magnets. However, we can only carry so much weight, so at the end of the day, you cut off the fat and see what has stuck. What people have made an impression on you. The people you want to make sure hang around for awhile. I’m very lucky to be friends with the author of this blog.
In Emily, I see myself, but mostly I see somebody I wish I could be. Her photography conveys what I could only hope for in my writing. Her art shows a woman much wiser beyond her years.

(more…)

February 16, 2010 by
Writing

Tag: Narcissistic Twenty-Something Lament


“Mom, I just don’t understand,” I said, the phone nestled against my ear, millimeters from the tub water. “I’m living the life that I always thought I wanted, but why do I feel like there is something missing?”

I wanted to let the phone drop into the water, hold my breath, and pull my head under to see how long I could hold it for.
Under water, everything stands still for a few seconds.

Instead, I let my mother reply with her heartfelt motherly response; a response she’s given countless times prior. Ever since I turned 20 years old.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and held it towards the window. Her words bounced off the pane and dissipated into the air.

I already know there is no real answer to that question.

___________________________________________

I remember the day it all stopped making sense.

It was the day I moved to Los Angeles.
It all began on the first year of my new decade in a new city.
Start line go.
Forward movement that sputtered with an untightened axle.
The feeling of dancing (more…)
February 15, 2010 by
Writing

Beautiful At Any Age

The other day, as I leaned into the mirror to take note of my growing roots, I noticed a stray little gray hair reaching up towards the sky. Standing completely independent from the rest of my mane, the little guy was short and fat, much coarser than the rest of the crew. He desperately wanted up and out. I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping to calm the fellow down and join the rest of the brunette crew. Doing this suddenly unearthed several more gray buddies all lying dormant underneath my plume of bangs.

Twelve to be exact.

Flabbergasted, I stepped away from the mirror, wondering if you could see the gaggle of twisty and turny bristles from a distance. I couldn’t, but what I did see were the furrowing brow lines that now dissipated from my forehead a lot slower than they used to. I smiled, I squinted, I pursed my lips. After every gesture I could see the road map of lines clearly for the first time in my life.

What are these new additions? I didn’t order these! I want them gone. (more…)

February 11, 2010 by
Writing

Hipster Valentine’s Day Gift Guide Pt. 2 (The Dirty Stuff)

Yesterday, I posted part one of my Hipster Valentine’s Day Guide. It included a whole bunch of mustache.

Today’s part is what to get your honey if you’re a hipster and dirty.
And I don’t mean, I’m-a-hipster-that-rides-my-bike-a lot-and-doesn’t-shower-and-smells-like-a-Salvation-Army-depository dirty.

1.) Ok, this isn’t dirty at all, but I had to include this necklace on the list because it’s from “Annie Hall” and there is no greater love story than that of Alvy and Annie.
“Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, don’t you think I do?”

2.) Cooter perfume. Not perfume for your cooter. Perfume that smells like your cooter. I don’t think anything I could write after this point will matter.

(thanks to the Sassy Curmudgeon for inspiration of “cooter”)

3.) Wondering what to do with that Snuggie that you threatened your Mom not to buy you for Christmas but she did anyways? Get creative with the Snuggie (more…)

February 10, 2010 by
Writing

Hipster Valentine’s Gift Guide Pt. 1

It’s that dreaded time of year.
That time where you have to buy your special lady or gentlemen friend a gift that says, “Hey, I guess I kind of like you.” Or, “I’m completely broke right now, but hey thanks for letting me have sex with you, the best I can give you is your special edition record of “Power, Corruption & Lies” back.”
If you’re not sure what to get your non-prescription bespectacled lover, then look no further. I have just the thing for you!

1.) Nothing says “I love you” to your lady (or that “I’m secretly in love with mustached men and this is how I’m trying to tell you”) more than a Tom Selleck pillow.

Make sure to check out their Chuck Norris and Burt Reynolds pillows as well.

Made in Austin! (of course! where else would you find something soooo ironic?)
(thanks @adleyh)

2.) If you don’t know how to tell your baby that you want to bone him/her, then let the Michael McDonald Ultimate Collection do the talking. He knows how.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve boned to McD! (more…)
February 9, 2010 by