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Fashion/Design

My dad used to be a model in the 80s…and it was weird

In my mother’s Easter care package, filled with chocolate, an infinity scarf and a postcard of Assistant Walter D. Skinner from the X-files, was a paper catalog from the 1980s of a now defunct department store in Upstate New York called Chappell’s. The catalog, which is weathered, features my dad, and a handful of other male models and one female child model, in a themed spread called “Dad’s World.”

I knew my father did regional modeling during my youth, but I had never seen this catalog before. What struck me about the catalog was not how boyish my father looked, but how UNBELIEVABLY PERVY the spread was.

Here is just a taste of the spread. (Please excuse the low quality of these photos; this catalog was obviously folded up and hid from society for many years.)

I was so flabbergasted by this insane photoshoot, that I called my dad to see if he could shed any light on the homoerotic-slash-hint-of-child-molestation theme you’re about to see in the photos.

Did you do a lot (more…)

April 27, 2016 by hipstercrite

Fashion/Design

Dear People Who Live in Fancy Tiny Houses

source- Tiny: A Story About Living Small

Dear People Who Live in Fancy Tiny Houses,

Do you actually love living in a fancy tiny house*?

You look so freakin’ happy in that Dwell Magazine article or Buzzfeed post, but c’mon, you can’t tell me that you don’t lie awake at night, your face four inches from the ceiling because the only place your bed fits is above the kitchen sink which also acts as your shower, and think, I’ve made a terrible mistake.

source- TreeHugger

Look, I’m not criticizing you. I commend you for making this giant leap. Since we humans seem comfortable with pillaging Mother Earth of all her resources, I believe more people should think like you. But 250 square feet? What the hell happens when your tiny house partner farts Mexican food farts, huh? Where do you escape to? Nowhere. You have nowhere to run. All you can do is walk three feet to the other end of the house and pray.

Or maybe you can run out into the tiny forest surrounding your tiny house.

I f’ing (more…)

May 22, 2015 by hipstercrite

Fashion/Design

I’m not a girly girl, but I f’ing love glitter

I’ve never been a girly girl.
I don’t like the color pink.
I’ve never gotten a manicure or pedicure (I even have difficulty saying the words “mani & pedi.”)
I like men’s clothing, but I don’t wear it all that often (I own two top hats, three suspenders and six ties).
My fashion icons are Annie Hall, Maude Chardin, the Marx Brothers, lesbian graphic designers and John Jolie Pitt.
I often forget that my eyebrows need grooming.
I don’t own a a pair of kitten or peekaboo heels.
I don’t own anything with animal print on it.
The only type of alcohol I like is straight tequila.

With all of that being said, I love the f out of sparkles and glitter.
I especially love that type of glitter that appears in retro vinyl and bowling balls (I used to own a pair of red glitter Sketchers that I named “Elton” for the left and “John” for the right).
I decided that my bike helmet needed a splash of sparkles, so I super glued plastic rhinestones on the entire thing. It took me about fifteen (more…)

April 18, 2015 by hipstercrite

Fashion/Design

Austin Accessories Line, ESPEROS, Gives the Gift of Education

Oliver Shuttlesworth, founder of ESPEROS Bags

I’m a big fan of fair trade or American-made clothing and accessories.

I try to buy ethical fashion as much as I can, but it’s not always easy. Luckily, many millennial designers and entrepreneurs are using their skills for good, so socially conscious products are on the rise. According to the Wall Street Journal, ethicist Peter Singer has said that millennials “are the most altruistic generation” he has yet to come across. In other words, quit hating on millennials!

As the current fastest-growing city in America, Austin has no shortage of innovative and philanthropic thinkers. Recently I met one of these young thinkers, Oliver Shuttlesworth, the founder of ESPEROS. Concerned about the lack of access to education in third-world countries, Shuttlesworth, who previously worked in advertising, decided he wanted to make a difference. In 2012 he launched a line of bags and accessories that gave back: a portion of every ESPEROS bag sold helps (more…)

April 14, 2015 by hipstercrite

Fashion/Design

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Still Wear a Toe Ring

I bare a secret that is often too embarrassing to share.

It is something that I’m not proud of, but it’s a part of who I am, dammit. It is one of my physical imperfections that, over the years, I mostly forget about until that awkward moment arises during intimacy with a boyfriend or yoga with a friend.

“Excuse me, do you have a toe ring?”

I nervously snort, “Oh, that ol’ thing! Heck, I forgot it was even there!” I throw a dismissive gesture with my hand, but deep down I’m sweating like a pig on an elliptical.

They saw it. The saw my secret.

The truth of the matter is, yes, I do often forget that it’s been on my right toe since 1997, when I was fourteen years old and toe rings, in addition to nose rings and eyebrow rings, seemed like a wise fashion choice for the pubescent teenager. Since I had nightmares of infections and permanent scarring from nose and eyebrow jewelry, a toe ring was the edgiest I would go. And much like an ass tattoo, my toe ring was not for everyone’s eyes. (more…)

January 16, 2015 by hipstercrite

Austin, Fashion/Design, Film, Music, Pop Culture

12 Austin-Themed Halloween Costume Ideas

Hey, Austinite!

Still need a costume idea?

Well, I gotta list for you.

Check it: all Austin-themed costumes.

I’ve got costumes for people of all races, ages and genders. Some costumes poke fun, while others are meant to honor Austin’s greatest heroes.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Matthew McConaughey
Top: Just Keep Livin’ shirt featuring words of wisdom by McConaughey (these babies can be found at Dillards)
Bottom: Shorts
Shoes: Flip flops
Accessories: Bongos, sunglasses
Notes: Clothing optional

source

Romeo Rose
Top: A Renaissance or “Purple Rain” shirt from the Halloween store
Bottom: Printed pants- the more garish, the better
Shoes: Pointed cowboy boots
Accessories: Buck teeth, necklace of your initials, a rose, smarm

source

Jeremiah the Innocent (a.k.a. the Hi, How Are You? Frog)
Top: White t-shirt with “Hi, How Are You?” written in scraggily writing
Bottom: White pants
Shoes: Paper mache frog hands and feet
Accessories: Headband affixed with pipe cleaners (more…)

October 30, 2014 by hipstercrite

Fashion/Design, Hipstercrite Life

For the Two Women in My Life

I grew up with a single mother.

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Across the street from us, my grandmother.

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These two women helped shape who I am.

They are not perfect women, but no woman is perfect.

As they age, their imperfections amplify.

And they are aging.

I can’t stop that.

I hear it in their voices.

I see it on their faces.

The two women, the two imperfect women who made sure that I led a life different from their own, are not ageless.

They’re imperfect and they’re aging.

These were two traits unfamiliar to me as a child.

Neither woman could own either characteristic.

Both women were my world.

And they continue to be, though the dynamic has changed.

It changed sometime when I was not looking.

These two imperfect women are not indestructible.

And I can’t stop that.

If I could, I’d take all their emotional or physical ache, their moments of loneliness, their times of frustration, their seconds of confusion and seal it in a box, sending it out to sea.

I (more…)

May 8, 2014 by hipstercrite

Fashion/Design

Why We Should All Care More About Cultural Appropriation in Fashion

via Pinterest

Have you heard of StitchFix?

It’s an ingenious start-up that lets fashionistas utilize the help of “personal stylists” while shopping for clothing online. After you sign up and fill out your size and personal style details, stylists will help you select five items of clothing. This clothing, which averages around $65 a piece, is mailed to your house. Whatever clothing you don’t like, you can send back. I loved the idea and signed up for an account early on, but I did not want to utilize the service until I was able to fully understand what clothing they offered. I was curious if the company offered fair trade or American-made clothing.

A few friends shared on social media that they had tried StitchFix, and when I asked if they knew if the company offered fair trade clothing, they said they weren’t sure. I also could not readily locate this information on their website. In fact, you don’t know what kind of clothing they offer until you go through the clothing selection (more…)

April 23, 2014 by hipstercrite

Fashion/Design, Hipstercrite Life

Why Dressing Like an Oddball Could Make You More Successful

I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt like a goddamn weirdo for most of my life.

Even though I’ve grown up to be a relatively normal adult who wears normal clothing and has a normal job, I know that the eccentric, awkward child who loved to wear over-sized men’s suits in junior high is still chilling in her pinstripe slacks and loafers somewhere deep inside of me.

I never really felt out of place growing up, but occasionally the “cool kid” (translation: now a drug dealer or bartender still living in my hometown) would call me a “lesbo” and my confidence would be shaken (it’s funny how being called a “lesbo” as a kid was so “shocking”). Though I could really give a shit about what other people think, there is still a tiny piece of me that dreams of walking into my high school reunion and screaming, “Y’all are FAT!” and doing the midget-in-Twin-Peaks dance for 30 seconds before running outside.

This is why I felt slightly vindicated when I read the recent Wall Street Journal story regarding (more…)

March 21, 2014 by hipstercrite

Austin, Fashion/Design

Ten SXSW Fashion Trends for 2014: Geriatric Loafers, PajamaJeans and More

Do you have your SXSW outfits together yet?

If not, then look no further.

Below is my fashion guide for must-haves this year at SXSW.

Don’t be left out from the fashion blog style recaps this year!

Harem pants are not only comfortable, they also make it really easy to hide free party food or to take a crap in when there isn’t a bathroom handy.

via Alternative Apparel, $88

old lady shoes

These beautiful shoes by Silverts are the perfect SXSW accessory! Not only will you be comfortable, but hoards of Interactive participants might mistake you for a nurse and ask for help after their thumbs lock up from “checking in” too much. Charge $20 a visit and you’ll have extra SXSW income!

via Silverts, $19.99

A quintessential SXSW adornment is the fanny pack. These helpful crotch pockets are perfect for hiding one free breakfast taco in.

via ShoeBuy, $25.99

2014 is all about texture and purple velour is the way to go! Luckily for you, Prince is not scheduled to make an appearance at SXSW (more…)

March 5, 2014 by hipstercrite

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