Hipstercrite Life

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Starting a new job has left me feeling creatively drained, so I’ve been turning to inspirational websites to get me out of my rut. One writing exercise I came across is writing down a list of your firsts. So that is exactly what I did…

The First Time I Put A Whoopie Cushion Against My Bare Ass
When I was ten years-old, I came up with an ingenious idea- to put a whoopie cushion IN my underwear and sit on it in a public area. By putting it in my underwear, no one would see the whoopie cushion and think I had the most massive farts on the planet- obviously. I attempted this trick at a garage sale my Grandmother was having. I waited for peak customer foot traffic and strategically placed a chair amidst the hairless Chia Pets and romance novels. I then ran behind a bush, blew up my whoopie cushion, and stuck it in my underwear. Knowing that no one was looking at my ten-year-old bubble butt, I walked up to the chair with near paralyzing anticipation and sat down. What I dreamed of happening (more…)

Did I just refer to myself in the third person? I sure did.
However, Hipstercrite is an alter ego of mine, of sorts, so I’m speaking in the third person of a person that I am not. What would the name of that be? Oh, narcissism? Ok! I’ll take it!

I’ve been reading a lot of “trend reports” for 2011. According to ABCNews cupcakes are totally f’ed for next year. In 2011 we should be expecting pies to take over the world. I read somewhere that books are dead too. USA Today says that a lot of people will be doing Civil War-related activities in 2011 and I say, hasn’t Civil War reenactments ALWAYS been in style?? I’ve been dressing as a Union soldier and partaking in Gettysburg battles since I was a little girl. Refinery29 predicts that the color orange, pajama-style day clothing, and futuristic military garb is in for next spring….just let your imagination run wild with that.

I have a few predictions of my own that I’d like to add to the list.

What trend predictions do you have for 2011?

1.) Travel– (more…)

Hope everyone had a lovely holiday.
I don’t feel like writing a blog post today. I’m just going to keep on dreaming about the above view of Los Angeles I had for the past three days.
So, there ya go….

See you tomorrow.

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“People are afraid to merge on freeways in Los Angeles,” I will say to my father when he picks me up at LAX tomorrow morning.

“They sure are.” he’ll say.

“No, Dad. It’s a line from Bret Easton Ellis’ Less Than Zero.” I’ll think for a second. “It means that the people of Los Angeles are afraid to interact with others. It’s much easier to hold back and stay to yourself then joining the other kids on the playground.”

My Dad will nod with indifferent acknowledgment. He’s just happy to see me.

“Or it means that Angelenos really suck at driving. I’m not sure.”

I want to be Clay coming back to the city. However, instead of decadent holiday parties, apathetic sexual encounters, and coke-induced bloody noses, I’ll be spending time with my father. Though not a man of nihilistic behavior, he is still very much a character in a novel.

I used to carry Less Than Zero on the plane trip back home to New York during the holidays. I’d read it on my flight east and pretend that I related to the questionable (more…)

This year I will not be going home.
This Christmas is the first time in my life I will not see my family.
The combination of new job and shameful flight prices to Upstate New York is causing me to travel to Los Angeles instead to see my father. I’m very excited to see him, but considering the unconventionality of our relationship, it will be interesting to spend a holiday with him typically devoted to my mother and grandmother.

Before the arrangements were made to travel west, the idea of maybe being alone for the holidays struck me very hard. It made me contemplate what the holidays mean and made me aware of many newly formed realities in my life. Am I getting to the age where I should be creating my own holiday traditions? Am I at the age where I should actually be interested in finding a partner and having children to form these traditions?

Another reason why I was unable to see my family for the holidays is that my mother and grandmother could not travel down to Texas because of my Grandma’s (more…)