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Film, Pop Culture

How to Be Jeff Goldblum

The other day I thought, “I wish I was Jeff Goldblum.”

I mean, who doesn’t have that thought, right?

Goldblum is gold…and blum.

Translation: Jeff Goldblum is a golden flower.

Everything about him just oozes awkward sexy golden Jew flower man and who doesn’t love that? Who? WHO!? TELL ME!!!

When I watch clips of Jeff Goldblum, I think, “I want to be like that. I want to smirk and fondle the air and sniff people.”

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had a secret quest to turn myself into a middle-aged Jewish man. When I was small, it was Rod Serling and several Marx Brothers. Now, it’s the Blum.

I’ve been a Goldblum fan for a long time. I distinctly recall having a feeling similar to that of climbing the rope in gym class while watching Jeff Goldblum for the first time in Jurassic Park. After that, I ran out and rented every Goldblum movie I could get my grubby little hands on: Vibes, Earth Girls Are Easy, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, Into the Night etc. all (more…)

April 25, 2012 by
20-Something, Film, Pop Culture

I’m Jealous of Lena Dunham. There. I Said It.

After finding myself rolling my eyes at yet another Internet ad for HBO’s new series, Girls, I had to finally admit to myself that my aversion to Lena Dunham is because I’m utterly and completely jealous of her.

I’ve never wanted to be that girl who dislikes other girls simply because they have something I don’t. I try to be supportive of my gender because we girls need to look out for one another. I think Dunham said it herself in a recent interview, “a success for one woman is a success for all of us.”

Or she could have not said that, I’m not sure. I’ve read so many freaking articles about her lately, I can’t keep track. But if she did say that, maybe she’s right. Maybe she’ll pave the way for us narcissistic twenty-somethings who love talking about our less than unique neuroses and “problems.” We need a champion, damnit!

Or maybe she just fucked us all.

My contention with Dunham developed after viewing the first 20 minutes of her freshman feature, Tiny Furniture. My initial (more…)

April 20, 2012 by
Austin, Pop Culture

Top Ten Reasons I’m Excited Trader Joe’s is Coming to Austin

Hallelujah! Trader Joe’s is coming to Austin!

Here are the top ten reasons I just pissed my pants.

1.) I can finally try whatever the hell this gift from God is:

It tastes like gingerbread AND crushed biscuits! (pic by Chrissie!)


2.) I can pretend that I know a lot about wine because the walls of my house will be lined with Two Buck Chuck.

3.) I will no longer have to overdose on Xanax to fight the hordes of college students while getting lost at HEB Hancock.

4.) When I need a Chinese Orange Chicken fix, I no longer have to drive all the way to Panda Express with the look of a crack addict fighting withdrawal. I can buy this:

5.) I can stop crying on a nightly basis.

6.) I can pretend that I know how to cook because Trader Joe’s has THE MOST AMAZING GOURMET FREEZER FOOD ON THE PLANET!!!!!

7.) I can pull my Hawaiian shirt out of the closet and wear it proudly because a Trader Joe’s style trend will catch like wildfire in Austin.

8.) I can stick my face in this:

 9.) (more…)

April 18, 2012 by
Music, Pop Culture

NYC vs. LA: According to Music, Which City is the Saddest and Loneliest?

source

While sitting on the can the other day, I thought of Warren Zevon.

I thought of his East LA anthem “Carmelita”, a song where the lead character calmly admits to being “all strung out on heroin on the outskirts of town.” From there I moved onto Zevon’s more personal “Desperadoes Under the Eaves”. In this song also about Los Angeles, Zevon speaks of drinking up all the salty margaritas in the city and having difficulty finding a girl who understands him.  My last Zevon thought came in the form of “The French Inhaler”, a song about a lazy actress and her even lazier boyfriend.”You said you were an actress, yes, I believed you,” Zevon sings. “I thought you’d be a star, so I drank up all the money. Yes, I drank up all the money with these phonies in this Hollywood bar. These friends of mine in this Hollywood bar.”

By the end of my Zevon mental assault, I thought, “Shit, there are so many sad, pathetic, heartbreaking and lonely songs about Los Angeles.” It’s not just Zevon who (more…)

April 12, 2012 by
Pop Culture, Writing

Old People Love Writing Unintelligible Sentences on Restaurants’ Facebook Walls

My friend, Ryan, sent me a Tumblr page that took the title of best website/meme I read all day yesterday (even beat out “Texts From My Dog“).

This one is called “Old People Writing on Restaurant’s Facebook Page“. This will quite possibly be the best thing you’ll read all day too. It will also make you slightly cringe because deep down you know that your parent or grandparent is capable of embarrassment like this.

The website is an interesting reminder that the majority of Americans can’t spell and have zero grammar and punctuation skills

Check out their site RIGHT NOW!

A few of my faves are:

 

April 10, 2012 by
Austin, Pop Culture

Chaos Reigns in Austin

A couple of weeks ago, I posted Joe Nicolosi’s hysterical SXSW bumper that starred Geoff as a douchey Angeleno-turned-Austinite (“Have You Been to Austin? I Can’t Tell if the Locals are Rednecks or Junkies”). SXSW has since posted one of the SXSW bumpers that Geoff and I co-wrote/produced and Geoff directed about some more douchey Angelenos using their platinum badges for evil. They get their comeuppance in the end in the form of angry furries beating the shit out of them.

The bumpers star the very talented and funny actors John Merriman, Chris Doubek and Julie Holland. We had a blast shooting the bumpers and appreciate SXSW for giving us the opportunity.

The video got broken up into two separate bumpers, so just imagine you’re watching both as one piece!

 

April 7, 2012 by
Austin, Pop Culture

Tucker Max is a Douchey Douche

Did you hear about this bologna yesterday? According to Gothamist, author, douche bag extraordinaire and fellow Austinite (blech!), Tucker Max, had a hissy fit because Planned Parenthood wouldn’t take $500,000 from him. In fact, he had such a fit that he got his friend/media spinner, 25 year-old (!) Ryan Holiday, to slam Planned Parenthood on Forbes. In short, Holiday told Tucker that in order to ease his high tax burden, it would look good if he donated to Planned Parenthood (an organization that Tucker has made fun of on Twitter before). He even suggested that PP would maybe even “name a clinic after him”. Can you imagine stepping foot into a clinic named after a dude who uses women and generally doesn’t give a shit about anyone other than himself?

I posted the Austinist version of this article on my social media profiles and got a wide range of responses from friends and strangers. Everyone agreed that Tucker is the reigning king of douchism, but some  said, “money is money” and (more…)

April 5, 2012 by
Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture

Bullying: Why Trend Causes Are Important

Vinnie says you’ve been hiding the goods on us, Paulie.

Over the past two years, bullying has been a trendy act to rally against. Causes that catch fire where people discuss like it never existed before then (Kony 2012 anyone?) are kind of cringe-worthy, but the silver lining is that people have finally become aware of/woken up to a cause and care about it. When I find myself rolling my eyes over a tweet, Facebook status or blog post addressing this trendy cause, I just remind myself that it is a good thing that people give a crap (but like most trends, will they forget about the cause next week?)

Bullying seems to be a cause who’s trend has lasted for awhile now. I think bullying was not something people talked about before because they felt it was a “rite of passage” and just a part of human nature. Teens have been killing themselves (or others) for years, but with the current strength of social media and information sharing, their deaths are becoming more widely reported and empathized.

Though (more…)

April 3, 2012 by
Film, Pop Culture

Come Back, Rick Moranis! (and Deborah Foreman, Phoebe Cates and Tim Curry)

My little nugget

Do you ever find yourself catching an old flick and wondering, “Oh man, where did that actor disappear to?” Then you scramble to Wikipedia only to find out that they died of bone cancer in 1978 and you become completely despondent for the rest of the evening (John Cazale anyone?)

Sometimes actors or actresses don’t have as sad of a fate as Cazale, but they simply stop acting or fizzle out. Sometimes we miss them. The guys and gals listed below don’t need to make a “comeback.” A comeback makes it sound like they fell out of favor with society and they’ve been thrust into the naughty corner until society says they can come out — no, they simply need to come back. Come back into our lives and make us whole again.

Here are a list of actor and actresses I liked to see put back on first billing:

Rick Moranis

I could write an entire post about The Moranis, or as I like to call him, “My Little Nugget”….

CONTINUE…

March 30, 2012 by