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Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture

What I Learned About Reality TV After Being on a Reality TV Show

I was once on a reality show.

I know. Nowadays that’s not so unique.

You actually have to crawl into a cave and live there for the rest of your life in order to avoid being filmed by reality show cameras. Except someone might tip a Hollywood producer about the person who moved into a cave to avoid reality show cameras, and they’ll want to document your life story.

Even in a relatively small city like Austin, it’s tough not to happen upon a reality show taping.

My reality show, which I will neither tell you the name of nor will it ever see the light of day ever again, was an interesting learning experience.

It taught me that reality shows are made up — even the ones you don’t think are made up (I’m a slow learner). It also taught me that I will never want to be on a reality show ever again. Not only is it a huge invasion of privacy, but you have such little control over how you are perceived.

The reality show I was on? I didn’t really have any say in whether or not I (more…)

March 24, 2012 by
Austin, Pop Culture

Have You Been to Austin? I Can’t Tell if the Locals are Rednecks or Junkies (Video)

This year, Geoff and I got to be a part of making official bumpers for SXSW. He directed them and I helped produce them (I also co-wrote one about furries beating up annoying badge holders). They played before screenings at SXSW Film along with bumpers made by local filmmaker Joe Nicolosi (you might remember him from last year’s mega hit  “Mario”), Zach Anner and New York-based filmmaker Lauren Wolkstein.

SXSW just made one of the bumpers by Nicolosi available on Youtube. It happens to star a favorite someone of mine (Geoff) and putting favoritism aside, I do think it’s pretty f’ing funny. Nicolosi has a real talent for comedy. Check out his Youtube channel here. The bumper pokes fun at a subject matter I talk frequently about- people from LA moving to Austin. I swear I didn’t grow a beard that long when I first moved here.

 

March 23, 2012 by
Pop Culture

The Little White Lies of Humor Writing

I’m a reader of nonfiction. For some reason I have terrible trouble engaging in fiction. I’ll read two pages of a fiction book and then promptly turn it into this: (ha)

This is similar to my love for documentary film these days.

I’m not sure why I enjoy learning more about reality than fantasy. It could be the reason why I’m in a perpetual state of panic all of the time. I remember distinctly curling up into a ball on the corner of the couch after watching the documentary “Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price” and crying for the future of the planet (this is actually true). If I read more fiction, I would maybe be a less anxious person. I’d believe in kid magicians and benevolent vampires instead of serial killers and tyrannical dictators.

When I read nonfiction, I do sometimes like reading light subject matters as well. Recently I finished Warren Zevon’s biography written by his ex-wife, Crystal, called, “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead: The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon“. (more…)

March 22, 2012 by
Film, Music, Pop Culture

R. Kelly Aims To Wow Your Panties Off With New Installment of Trapped in the Closet

 

I’ve been waiting for this news my entire life.

The next installment of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” will premiere on IFC next year.

If you’ve never seen the first 22 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”, I feel sorry for you. You’ve lived a sad and sheltered life.

“Trapped in the Closet” follows the dramatic tale of Sylvester (R. Kelly/narrator), Gwendolyn (Sylvester’s wife), Cathy (a lady Sylvester cheated with), Rufus (Cathy’s pastor husband), Chuck (Rufus’ lover), Big Man (a midget), Bridget (Big Man’s Southern wife) and Pimp Lucious (R.Kelly again) as they all cheat on, love on and point guns on each other. The characters are voiced by R.Kelly in a NEVER-ENDING, MIND-NUMBING CYCLE OF THE SAME SONG FOR 90 MINUTES STRAIGHT.

“Trapped in the Closet” falls under the cult classics that are so unbelievably f’ing terrible that they come across as brilliant. Believe me, after you watch “Trapped in the Closet”, R. Kelly will become your creative role (more…)

March 21, 2012 by
Austin, Film, Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture

Does SXSW Give You Anxiety?!

Does SXSW give you ragin’ anxiety like it does for me?

I have something to clear off my flat chest.

After all this talk of blogging about SXSW- I can’t do it.

You know why?

Because I’ve already fizzled out.

My little motor has died and I already buried it in the backyard along with the feral cats of East Austin.

I don’t care enough about the hottest app, movie, party or show and scrambling back to regurgitate it all to you. I pretended like I cared a lot, but I’m realizing I don’t. Maybe that makes me a bad blogger, journalist or social media whore, but so be it.

When you live in Austin and work in or around the creative industries, you feel as though you’re supposed to squeeze SXSW by the nuts and get every last drop out of ’em. As a writer, screenwriter and social media nerd, it would be silly for me not to take full advantage of the festival, right? To go on 3 hours sleep every night, be drunk most of the time and trying to nudge my way into the hottest parties, (more…)

March 12, 2012 by
Austin, Film, Pop Culture

SXSW Film Begins! What to Watch Friday, March 9th

SXSW is here…and it’s rainy as shit! Unfortunately, I have to work tonight so I won’t be seeing any films, but Geoff got up early to get his express passes for Josh Whedon’s Cabin the Woods at the Paramount. If I were able to see films tonight, I’d skip out on Cabin in the Woods and check out the narrative Electrick Children (State Theater) by New York filmmaker Rebecca Thomas.

If you’re attending SXSW Film this year, I’ll be at the opening party at Buffalo Billiard’s tonight. Hope to see you there!

Here are my list of go-to screenings tonight. I starred the ones you should make priority.

Cabin in the Woods– 7PM @ Paramount

Five friends go to a remote cabin in the woods. Bad things happen. If you think you know this story, think again. From fan favorites Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard comes THE CABIN IN THE WOODS, a mind blowing horror film that turns the genre inside out.

Produced by Whedon and directed by Goddard from a script by both, the film stars Kristen Connolly, (more…)

March 9, 2012 by
Austin, Film, Music, Pop Culture, Writing

The #1 Thing Austinites Want To Achieve At SXSW 2012

SXSW kicks off tomorrow and it got me thinking, “What is the #1 thing I want to achieve at the festival this year?”

My goal is to watch Dave Foley piss on the side of a building again. Or if I’m really lucky, it will be a tag-team of Dave Foley AND Willem Dafoe peeing all over 6th Street.

I asked some of my fave Austin bloggers and movers & shakers what their goals are for this year’s SXSW.

Take a look at their tips below!

Cathy Benavides/Found of Austin Slave to Fashion: “I am most looking forward to meeting and chatting with people in the fashion community for Style X. Last year was a great kick off for Style X and they have lined up some great speakers and designers for this year. Fashion is invading SXSW and it warms my cold black heart!”

Chris Apollo Lynn/Founder of Republic of Austin: “During SX, people want to achieve everything from seeing a set number of bands to imbibing hella free booze. I’ve found that setting expectations can either lead to long lines or (more…)

March 8, 2012 by
Austin, Hipstercrite Life, Music, Pop Culture, Writing

The Other 2012 SXSW Parties You Should Attend

You see, I could give a crap about RSVPing to all the hot SXSW parties this year and standing in line for hours on end in my only pair of stylish shoes that I pull out once or twice a year because they give me knee pains and being crammed into a small area with hundreds of drunk scenesters that step on my said only pair of stylish shoes which forces me to go all Hulk-like on everyone and tell them to “BACK THE FUCK ON UP!”, but in reality I actually won’t, so I become a shell of a person, completely despondent to all that is around me.

Instead, I’m checking out the other parties. The parties that I know won’t be overcrowded, or if they are, at least I can learn a thing or two about a cool new app, business venture or meet some neat-o folks.

Check out this list of parties if you’re hoping not to get your pinky toes murdered.

Who: The Warby Parker Citzen’s Circus
When: March 12-14th starting at 1PM
Where: French Legation Museum
Why: Cause who doesn’t want to hobnob with this (more…)

March 7, 2012 by
Fashion/Design, Pop Culture

The Best Reproductive Organ Inspired Finds on Etsy

Sometimes I like going through Etsy to find whatever interesting reproductive organ inspired items they have for sale.

There is never a shortage of them, that’s for sure. People have a healthy or unhealthy- I’m not sure which- fascination with their naughty bits and things that go in them, around them or outside of them.

Here are a few of my favorite finds below. Try not to get all excited now.

An artist in Austin made this pillow, so I will be careful not to say anything snarky. My only question is, “WHY?!?”

 

Since we’re on the theme of pillows, why not snuggle up to the largest condom you’ve ever seen? Truth be told, the pillow does look kind of comfy and baby-proof.

I like the idea that you must play the piano with this thing staring you in the face. What if you get really into piano playing, lean over and poke your eye out? How would you explain that one to friends?

Bloody tampon inspired catnip toy. ‘Cause we know how much cats love playing with used tampons.

 

The (more…)

March 1, 2012 by