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Austin, Film, Music, Pop Culture

Dear God Please Give Me the Strength to Get Through SXSW

SXSW is starting in eleven days and I’m absolutely shitting my pants terrified in complete denial.

My brain simply does not want to admit the reality that this behemoth is descending upon us like Godzilla with a bad case of diarrhea over Tokyo.

The South by Southwest Interactive/Music/Film festival is so big, they can’t even narrow it down to one category. It has to be three. And not just three rinky dink categories, but three of the largest in the world! SXSW has become a festival like no other. Everyone and their Mom visits Austin and the city functions in a mass state of chaos for ten days until every collectively blacks out.

How big is SXSW you ask? Well, according to the official SXSW website, last year alone there were almost 2,000 musical acts, 300 feature and short films, and 500 interactive events. These are just the official events. What makes SXSW unique is that, unlike many other festivals, there are equally if not more unofficial events surrounding the festival. (more…)

March 1, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture

The Top 4 Best Career Redemptions

One of the highly anticipated screenings of SXSW 2011 is the Jodie Foster-directed The Beaver starring Mel Gibson and his hand. The film chronicles the story of Walter Black (Gibson)- a depressed CEO, husband, and father who decides to solely communicate with his family and the world with a beaver puppet.

I posted on Facebook that I was very excited about this movie, which led to a barrage of messages suggesting that there was something wrong with me. Why would I possibly want to see a Mel Gibson movie? He’s a anti-Semitic sociopath who conjures up really weird and violent metaphors when venting his anger towards people. Gibson definitely sealed the coffin shut on his career during the second wave of craziness with his ex-baby mama. No one particularly likes Mel Gibson- except for Jodie Foster- who has hung in there with him since the beginning of his downfall. Will she be just the thing to save him with her new movie? Who knows? All I know is that the human story surrounding this movie- (more…)

February 25, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture, Writing

There Was a Time I Watched Way Too Much X-files

On my ride in to work yesterday morning, I had a gnawing feeling that it was a special day. A famous day in history or someones birthday. A day that needed celebration! I thought about it for a minute and then it hit me- it was Dana Scully’s birthday!

How the fuck did I remember that, I’ll pretend you asked?

Well, I used to be embarrassingly obsessed with The X-files. Like forced my elementary school friends to call me ‘Spooky’ obsessed. Paraded around in pantsuits at eleven years of age obsessed. Read poorly written NC-17 fan fiction during the beginning days of household Internet obsessed. Lulled myself to sleep night after night with dreams of Mulder and Scully taking off those dismal 90’s suits and gettin’ busy obsessed.

I had every episode on tape. Every book, every magazine, every newspaper clipping about the show was neatly pressed in binders. I built a shrine to The X-files in my childhood bedroom equipped with posters, action figures, and makeshift FBI badges and guns.

So, (more…)

February 24, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

The Best Song Lyrics for Facebook Status Updates

People like quoting song lyrics as Facebook/Twitter updates typically for one of two reasons- 1.) They’ve run out of things to say 2.) They think it makes them sound interesting.

However, people often have really shitty taste in music. Take for example this article sent to me by Austin Carnivore from the men’s lifestyle blog MadeMan- “10 Good Music Lyrics for Facebook Status”
#1  is Linkin Park’s “The Catalyst” and includes moving lyrics such as- “God bless us everyone. We’re a broken people living under a loaded gun.”

Damn. That’s some good shit right there. I’m sure men everywhere are thanking you, MadeMan, for representing the male species’ under-appreciated taste in music.

Most of the lyrics I see Tweeted or FB‘d are usually pretty hipstery songs that give the illusion that the poster is wise and insightful. Or give the illusion to the poster that they are giving the illusion that they are wise and insightful. Lot’s of indie crap and references to Joy Division.

Forget Lady (more…)

February 22, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

I Still Look Up When You Walk in the Room

Holy crap! I wrote a really long story for the hell of it. 
Let’s just say that I’ve been listening to waaaaay too much Fleetwood Mac lately.

The absolutely best part of the story is when the song he wrote about me came on the radio while we were physically fighting.

That was the hysterical part. What are the odds that that song would play while he was holding my throat against a windshield? I mean, so what it reached #1 back in 2002? Even in my slightly incapacitated state, I found the irony perfect.

I guess this would be the worst part of the story. He held his hand against my throat long enough to make me start to black out but our drummer, Seth, flew out of what seemed like the second story balcony of the hotel and body slammed Ryan to the ground. It seriously was like Spiderman shit. I saw Seth coming in and my eyes must have widened to the size of saucers. Ryan really had no idea what was about to hit him.

They wrestled around on the floor for awhile and the parking lot (more…)

February 16, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture

An Open Letter to the Kids in the Hall

source

Hey, feel free to pass this on to any of the Kids in the Hall if you know them. 

Dear Kevin, Dave, Scott, Mark, and Bruce,

I’m a grown woman. I’m 27 years old now. I’m at the age where I would have finally figured out how to balance my checkbook properly if we still used checkbooks.

However, something happened to me when I watched your new show Death Comes to Town yesterday. I resorted back into pubescent 15 year-old nerd girl who used to make Headcrusher home movies in her basement instead of hanging out with kids her own age. The dweeb who used to fantasize about Bruce McCulloch’s little man dance jerks instead of Justin Timberlake’s not little-man dance jerks. The kid who anxiously fidgeted on the school bus ride home every day, contemplating what back-to-back episodes of Kids in the Hall were recording on the VCR and what flavor of Hot Pocket she was going to gorge herself with..

While enjoying your latest production, I could distinctly recall (more…)

February 15, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture

Another 7 Indie Valentine’s Day Movies You Should Watch

Yesterday I posted my top 8 favorite indie romantic comedies/dramas for Valentine’s Day. The truth is the list started out as 12, then got chiseled down to 10, then down to 8. Sometimes I get tired of writing a post. Sometimes I look at my post and I resent it and I don’t want to write it anymore and I want to whisper how much I hate it into it’s ear if it had an ear. That’s how a list goes from 12 down to 8.

However, yesterday’s list did not accurately relay my favorite indie romcoms and romdras and so many wonderful readers pointed out quintessential films that I missed entirely. I wanted to continue the list with Another Top 7 Indie Romantic Films That I Got Too Exhausted to Talk About in Yesterday’s Post.

And, yes I know some of these movies aren’t actually indies. Like I mentioned yesterday, “indie” is the code word for “hipster”. I just didn’t want to overuse the word “hipster” this week (though it’s used maybe nine 900 hundred times in this post).

Enjoy!

1.) Say Anything (more…)

February 11, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture

Top 8 Indie Valentine’s Day Movies

Indie being a code term for “hipster”. I already used up my one allotted use of the word “hipster” this week.

Many of these films aren’t even indies, but they are just quirky enough to earn a place in the hearts of millions of pretentious young people like myself.

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day and with a little help from my friend Levi, here are the top 8 best indie/alternative/hipster romantic movies for the death-obsessing, mixtape-making, Smiths-loving couples out there.

1.) Harold and Maude (1971)
Harold and Maude chronicles quite possibly one of the most unconventional, but beautiful relationships captured in contemporary film. Directed by a dude with one of the coolest old-man name’s, Hal Ashby (Shampoo, Being There), this ground-breaking film follows the May-December romance of the young and somber Harold and the Jurassic and vivacious Maude. Harold comes from a wealthy family and he’s bored with it all… and really into death. The 1970’s goth kid came in the garb of (more…)

February 10, 2011 by
Pop Culture

Hipster Valentine’s Day Gift Guide 2011

Last year I wrote a 2-part Hipster Valentine’s Day Gift Guide that people seemed to dig. (Pt. 1 and Pt. 2)

Well, I guess it’s that mo-fo’ing time again, so here is this year’s Hipster Valentine’s Gift Guide.

Enjoy!

1.) I Luff You Annie Hall Print– This is the perfect gift for the significant other you’re just too socially awkward and narcissistic to actually say ‘I Love You’ to. The print, designed by Mike Oncley, is one of my favorite finds on Etsy. This is one in a series of Annie Hall prints and they’re all beautiful. $20 and $40

2.) Just Kids by Patti Smith– Cause nothing says, “Baby, I might be gay- like really gay- but you’re still my soul mate” more than Patti Smith’s Just Kids. I know this book has been out for awhile, but if your girl hasn’t read it yet, it might be time to give it to her so she can stop being in denial about why you like to shove whips up your butt. $6.98

3.) Love Letter by R. Kelly-Unfortunately significantly less dirty that R. Kelly’s previous jams, this album is (more…)

February 7, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

Top 4 Songs About Messed Up Relationships

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, which means who gives a shit?

It’s a day for grade-schoolers who are clueless about heartbreak and disappointment and women who send flowers to themselves. For people to buy bottom shelf chocolate for their significant others that will get half eaten and for men to coerce their ladies into having sex with them for the first time in months.

This time of year the TV and radio is littered with cheesy rom-coms and sappy love songs. I dig the cheese fest just as much as the rest of you all, but sometimes it gets old. There really is only so much alone time you can spend with a Marvin Gaye tune, a bottle of wine, a photo of Ryan Gosling above your bed, and a lot of concentration. Not everyone has a significant other on Valentine’s Day. Some people just got dumped. Some people are going through a divorce. Some people are with a partner they resent and despise. Where is their holiday, huh?

So in honor of anti-Valentine’s Day, I’d like to list my top (more…)

February 4, 2011 by