Recuperating from an action-packed Halloween last night, so I will keep this short.
See this unicorn?
It came into the bar we were hanging out in, went out onto the dance floor, took a massive dump, then left.
This is why I love living in Austin.
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The most exciting part of getting ready for our pumpkin carving party last Sunday was not the thought of running my fingers through mushy pumpkin guts or stuffing my cavity-filled mouth full of sun-melted, then asymmetrically reformed chocolate- it was the careful compiling of the Halloween playlist.
Halloween music holds a special slot in the nostalgia portion of the heart. From Bobby “Boris” Pickett’s Dracula inflections in “The Monster Mash” to Warren Zevon’s howling in “Werewolves to London”, Halloween tunes evoke a very strong and specific memory of childhood days planning out the perfect costume and walking from neighbor to neighbor, carefully keeping a mental check of the beautiful bounty accumulating in the trick-or-treat bag and quietly judging those who gave you Tootsie Roll Pops and non-brand name candy.
I carefully selected songs that reminded me of this special time in my life and anxiously awaited for our guests to arrive. Every time I thought I heard someone walking (more…)
My boyfriend has a band.
They’re called The Karate Kids.
They sing about the Karate Kid movies including the ill-advised remake starring Will Smith’s son.
They wear prosthetic limbs and perform each of their songs in the kicking crane position.
If this doesn’t sell you on them already, check out some of their songs. Side note- my boyfriend can’t sing. I will never tell him this and I hope you don’t either. It is a fact that he already knows and he doesn’t care. This is what I love about him: the determination to never give up and keep creating. Since he can’t sing, he ends up sounding like a cool higher-pitched Lou Reed/Leonard Cohen-hybrid.
Nicole Atkins (see below) played in the band for a few shows. Sissy Spacek likes them, and Bill Murray told them that he would go to one of their shows, but in truth, HE LIED and didn’t show up.
The Karate Kids are playing Halloween Night 9:15PM at East Austin’s non-douchey, two-steppin’ hipster hangout, The White Horse.
Details are here.
Hope (more…)
Geoff and I had a pumpkin carving party!
Everyone’s pumpkins looked awesome, except for mine. Mine looked like ass.
I was trying to make Frank Zappa pumpkin, but as my friend Don pointed out, it looked more like an abstract painting. I think it looked like an orange pile of shit.
I almost threw my pumpkin out in a fit of childish rage.
When it came time to light the pumpkins and bring them outside, I was embarrassed to add my pumpkin to the group. Geoff had this awesome Nick Cave pumpkin, Ludwig had a great Pee-Wee Herman pumpkin and Don had, well, a Don pumpkin.
I lit a tea light, plopped it inside of Frank’s head and begrudgingly carried my pumpkin outside. As I walked past my friends, theirs jaws dropped. Something magical had happened- the pumpkin actually looked like freakin’ Frank Zappa…or George Harrison, depending on who you are. The spirit of Frank had guided my hands to make his likeness out in a giant squash.
I spent the evening rejoicing by hitting repeat (more…)
Fashion/Design, Film, Music, Pop Culture
How to Make A Pumpkin Look Like Your Favorite Pop Culture Hero
I’ve created for you pumpkin stencils of Frank Zappa, Pee-Wee Herman and Ryan Gosling, and by “I”, I mean, I started creating in Photoshop and then got extraordinarily frustrated to the point where I had to prevent myself from spitting at the computer in a fit of rage and then asked my boyfriend to finish for me with the promise of buying him lunch.
If you click on the image, then click on it again, it will be a nice large file for you to print and use!
Happy Halloween!
“Lionel stopped calling me,” my grandmother said to me last week.
“…and I’m lonely.”
Lionel, my grandmother’s boyfriend, has been calling her 5-10 times a day since he moved into the Alzheimer’s unit at an assisted living home earlier this year.
Then last week he just stopped.
Forgot that there was someone he was supposed to call that day.
Since Lionel moved out her house, my grandmother has been at a complete loss as to what to do with herself.
This boredom has led to long phone conversations with scammers.
And sending money to scammers.
“Grandma, why in God’s name are you talking to these people? When they call you, just hang up!”
“Oh, I know they’re silly, I just like entertaining them.”
What’s she really not telling me, and what my mother has shared with me, is that deep down, my grandmother really thinks she could be “the next millionaire!”.
Having been a business owner for 35 years, I’m absolutely floored that my grandmother has fallen into this (more…)
Austin, Fashion/Design, Film, Music, Pop Culture
Hipster Halloween Costume Ideas For the Hipsters in All of You
I have NO clue what to be for Halloween.
Halloween is my favorite holiday and the amount of stress I put on myself to have a good time and a GREAT costume, always leaves me full of anxiety and agita.
Now that I have a boyfriend, we’ve discussed going as one of those annoying couples who do a Halloween costume set, but we can’t think of anything. Well, Geoff thought of something, but I’m not sure I’m on board with it yet. He wants all of his friends to be a part of a “Star Wars pun” costume collection including: Hans Solo (Han Solo dressed in lederhosen), Prince as Leia (exactly what it sounds like), Uncle Ben Kenobi (that one got left on the cutting room floor) and Jewbacca (Chewbacca with a yamaka). Though I appreciate my boyfriend’s creative ideas, I’m a.) not a fan of Star Wars (YOU HEARD ME!) and b.) the costume I was assigned, Prince as Leia, requires me not only to find a Princess Leia costume, but a Prince costume and that is way too much work and money. Typically being more (more…)
Last year I co-wrote and co-produced a film called Loves Her Gun.
Hallelujahohmygod, the film is finally finished minus a few sound and color correct tweaks.
Making a movie is both an exhilarating and diarrhea-inducing experience. Everything from writing the script, shooting the film, editing and submitting to festivals is one giant roller coaster of hair loss, laughter, tears and wide-eyed stares.
Geoff and I are currently creating an Indieagogo campaign for post-production costs because we loooooove asking people for money. LOVE IT! There is nothing better than sharing the living shit out of our crowdfuding page asking people to donate to our poor asses. Nothing. It makes us feel the opposite of desperate.
Wanting to make the BEST CROWDFUNDING CAMPAIGN THERE EVER WAS, I researched articles that recommend the best steps in earning your friends’ dough.
Articles will tell you that these steps are most important when creating a crowdfunding page:
1.) Set your goal at $10,000 (more…)
photo via Homesick Texan
Write blog post or hunt down breakfast tacos? This is the question I’m currently left grappling with.
Which one will satisfy me the most? Completing my personal goal of blogging daily, a goal I vowed to take seriously, or filling my empty stomach with delicious cheesey-carbohyratey goodness?
I could possibly do both before 12PM, my personal cut off time for submitting a blog post to my blog, but with my frustratingly slow writing execution abilities and that the fact that the closest breakfast taco place is roughly a 15 minute round trip drive from my house, I’m not sure I could satiate both wishes.
Considering I’m writing this now, it appears that I’ve chosen the former desire, writing a blog post, as I’ve decided that my stomach can sustain another hour of being hungry. The weak store brand breakfast blend coffee is helping subside any really longing pains, but the thought of half-soggy, half-crisp tortilla strips jaggedly sticking out of an egg/tomato/cheese (more…)
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life
Do I Want Children? And Other Twenty-Something Questions I’m Afraid to Ask Myself
DEAR GOD!
People havin’ babies.
Babies all over the place.
I guess it’s that time of year; isn’t there a scientific fact that people fornicate more in the winter months? That’s why you don’t see a lot of January-March babies: it’s too f’ing hot in the summer.
“Hey, babe, wanna have S-E-X?”
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WHY DID YOU JUST TOUCH ME?! WHY?! DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S HOTTER THAN SATAN’S ASSHOLE RIGHT NOW?! HAVEN’T YOU FELT SATAN’S ASSHOLE BEFORE?!?!”
Babies weird me out because I’m a.) an only child and b.) a child of divorce. I wasn’t exactly conditioned to have offspring, but as I get older and realize there is a slight chance I could DIE ALONE, the thought of having many, many children to cater to my every beck and call sounds like a solid idea.
My biggest fear- besides getting bitten in the ass by a snake while tubing and separately, developing West Nile Virus- is ending up like that actress from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, all mummified for a year before someone (more…)