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Hipstercrite Life

Last Night

Sitting across the room from him, writing, listening to the consonance of alt-country, thinking how one day I hoped for a moment like this. How I used to write about the faceless passenger who rode beside me, out into the desert at night, the top down, thinking how there was nothing more beautiful than this. These thoughts converged as your face became clearer.

Sitting here thinking whether or not I’m a good daughter, if I should live closer to home, if I should not feel guilty about the impending leap I’m about to take. That will make me more hyper-focused than I’ve ever been.

I spoke with her earlier on the phone and I could tell she was bored. She recited the entire contents of a magazine she picked up in Walmart. A magazine featuring all the places one should visit in America. She deserves to go to all of those places. She deserves to do it sooner than later. Because life is short, right? And that is what I keep telling myself about the impending leap I’m about to take.

Sitting (more…)

August 8, 2011 by
Hipstercrite Life

Jewishness

I am a Jew.
A non-practicing Jew.
One of those people that is- according to Judaic Law- Jewish, but yet has only participated in one mind-numbing Seder her entire life. The sort of person who really loves telling people she’s Jewish because she feels that it will help explain certain characteristics and because being part of the Jew Club is cool. Woody Allen? Gene Wilder? The Marx Brothers? They’re my peeps.

My grandmother grew up with her Orthodox Jewish grandmother and after a few years she was like, “f that”. So when she gave birth to my mom, she raised her Barely Christian. Then I came along and that Barely Christian turned into Notta Christian and I’ve been wandering around spiritually aimless for the past 28 years. When you’re young, this doesn’t really matter to you. You think you and everyone you love is immortal. As you start to get older and more jaded, you’re like, “Fuuuuuck, I am going to die. I better figure out where I’m going, otherwise this could get really depressing.”

I’ve (more…)

August 5, 2011 by
Film, Hipstercrite Life

Coming of Age in Hollywood

my first year in Hollywood

On my blog, I’ve only mentioned a few times that in a previous life I was a personal assistant in Hollywood.
And as I also stated in that post, I don’t talk about that time often because of the a.) WMD-sized confidentiality agreements that loom over my head and b.) because I value a person’s right to privacy. I worked for people who trusted me and I will never break that trust.

I often forget that I was a personal assistant in Hollywood. Occasionally people will ask me my story- where I came from before Austin- and I’m reminded that the Hollywood part of my life was a very big part for 5 years. 5 years in 28 years of a life is, well, I’m terrible at math, let’s see here, a little over a fifth of my life? One day it will be an eighth, then a sixteenth, and then I’ll be dead.

I’m sad that I’m slowly forgetting this important time in my life. Or rather, forgetting the emotions I felt at the time. Like the day that I was asked to work for (more…)

August 3, 2011 by
Writing

How to Survive Your Twenties

Last week I wrote a post about how self-help/how-to lists are often written by people completely unqualified to tell you how to live your life.

This week, I’m writing a self-help/how-to list about surviving your 20’s.

Hey, my blog is not called Hipstercrite for shits and giggles.

I’m not even finished with my twenties, so I’m certainly not the best person to heed advice from, but I’ve come across many articles about how to survive your 20’s and I think they’re full of crappola. Most of the articles will say something like, “Find balance” blah blah blah. Well, that’s bullshit. You’re going to be a basket case of questions and worries and imbalance for a good chunk of your 20’s. The best you can do is try not to let yourself go insane.

Looking back on my 20’s, no amount of advice or wisdom from others was going to prevent me from making the choices I did. I was going to do what the hell I wanted to do, but looking back, I certainly learned a lot from my mistakes and wished maybe I at least (more…)

August 1, 2011 by
20-Something

How to Survive Your Twenties

Last week I wrote a post about how self-help/how-to lists are often written by people completely unqualified to tell you how to live your life.

This week, I’m writing a self-help/how-to list about surviving your 20s.

Hey, my blog is not called Hipstercrite for shits and giggles.

I’m not even finished with my twenties, so I’m certainly not the best person to heed advice from, but I’ve come across many articles about how to survive your 20s and I think they’re full of crappola. Most of the articles will say something like, “Find balance” blah blah blah. Well, that’s bullshit. You’re going to be a basket case of questions and worries and imbalance for a good chunk of your 20s. The best you can do is try not to let yourself go insane.

Looking back on my 20s, no amount of advice or wisdom from others was going to prevent me from making the choices I did. I was going to do what the hell I wanted to do, but looking back, I certainly learned a lot from my mistakes and wished maybe (more…)

August 1, 2011 by
Film, Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture

How to Make a Movie

My boyfriend is a writer/director. He’s been making films for over ten years and his first feature, Mars, debuted at SXSW in 2010. Mars is a love story that takes place in space and stars Mark Duplass, Kinky Friedman, Howe Gelb, James Kolchalka, and Don Hertzfeldt. Geoff shot the entire movie live action, then animated the living shit over the entire movie with a program he created. If that is not badass, then I don’t know what is! The film has traveled all over the world in the festival circuit. Geoff is also currently one of the filmmakers remaking Richard Linklater’s indie classic Slacker and was selected as one of Filmmaker’s 25 New Faces of Independent Film.

I am not a director. I’d like to think of myself a writer though? Last year, I made a movie in my head that starred David Byrne, Danny Elfman, Bryan Ferry, Robert Palmer, and Peter Gabriel. I one time remade the intro to Twilight Zone by putting on a suit and burning a cork to draw thick Jewish eyebrows on my face in order to (more…)

July 27, 2011 by
20-Something

I Like Lists! Except When They Suck Ass.

I peruse the Internet like a mo-fo and because of this I’m only able to enjoy rudimentary things like lists.
I especially like self-help/how-to lists- the sort that give you tips on how to become a better blogger or lover or lover to your blogger (we need a lot of attention).
If there is anything that I’ve learned from self-help/how-to lists it’s that the people who write them are not really qualified to tell you how to improve your life. Most of the time their advice is simple and ideas rehashed from other articles written by people who are also not qualified to tell you how to improve your life.
I spend most of my time trying to unlearn everything I’ve read from lists I enjoy reading on the Internet daily.

I constantly fall victim to thinking that these lists will hold some magic key words that will suddenly make me fearless, entrepreneurial, balanced and wealthy. I mean, don’t we all? Don’t lie. You know you love the lists. YOU LOOOOOVE THE LISTS!!! I figure I drift through life, (more…)

July 26, 2011 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

And One Day She Stopped

I have a boyfriend.

This may be nothing amazing in developments for Mankind, but for anyone who knows me, it is nothing short of incredible.
Or maybe it’s not.
Maybe it’s just mind-blowing to me.

You see, I haven’t had a boyfriend in a very long time. Instead, I mostly dated a string of assholes or, now that I’m older and have more objectivity I can say, “gentlemen who were not interested in me enough to date me and/or not at a place in their life where they were able to satisfy my dating needs or any other person’s dating needs”.

I dated the sort of guys that kind of said they “didn’t want to date anyone right now” but that didn’t stop them for getting all up in your grill like they were super interested in you, then disappearing, confusing the living shit out of you even though you should have been wise enough to decipher that “they don’t want to date anyone right now” really meant “THEY DON’T WANT TO DATE ANYONE RIGHT NOW” and that’s why they disappeared, duh.

I was twenty-something (more…)

July 22, 2011 by
Writing

And One Day She Stopped

I have a boyfriend.

This may be nothing amazing in developments for Mankind, but for anyone who knows me, it is nothing short of incredible.
Or maybe it’s not.
Maybe it’s just mind-blowing to me.

You see, I haven’t had a boyfriend in a very long time. Instead, I mostly dated a string of assholes or, now that I’m older and have more objectivity I can say, “gentlemen who were not interested in me enough to date me and/or not at a place in their life where they were able to satisfy my dating needs or any other person’s dating needs”.

I dated the sort of guys that kind of said they “didn’t want to date anyone right now” but that didn’t stop them for getting all up in your grill like they were super interested in you, then disappearing, confusing the living shit out of you even though you should have been wise enough to decipher that “they don’t want to date anyone right now” really meant “THEY DON’T WANT TO DATE ANYONE RIGHT NOW” and that’s why they disappeared, duh.

I was twenty-something and they (more…)

July 22, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

A Letter to David Bowie’s Crotch

Dear David Bowie’s Crotch,
What can I say, man? Wow. You’ve haunted me since I was five. I think you’ve kind of terrorized everyone for a long time. You’ve captured the attention of many nations and not let go. There is a remote village in Africa where they worship your likeness in a potato that a small child had dug from the Earth. The potato now sits on a makeshift shrine in the center of the village. The inhabitants look to you to converse with the rain gods when they’re going through a drought, but your potato does nothing but sit there and mock them.

Is that right?

Is it fair that you tease people with the idea that you hold magic powers within you? Is it fair that you drift through people’s dreams, standing dormant then uncoiling towards them like a violent snake? I don’t think so, man.

It’s time to let people go.

It’s time to go back to where you once belonged. I’m not really sure where that is, but, yeah, you go now.

Bye.

I guess what has concerned me all these (more…)

July 21, 2011 by