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Film, Pop Culture, Writing

There Was a Time I Watched Way Too Much X-files

On my ride in to work yesterday morning, I had a gnawing feeling that it was a special day. A famous day in history or someones birthday. A day that needed celebration! I thought about it for a minute and then it hit me- it was Dana Scully’s birthday!

How the fuck did I remember that, I’ll pretend you asked?

Well, I used to be embarrassingly obsessed with The X-files. Like forced my elementary school friends to call me ‘Spooky’ obsessed. Paraded around in pantsuits at eleven years of age obsessed. Read poorly written NC-17 fan fiction during the beginning days of household Internet obsessed. Lulled myself to sleep night after night with dreams of Mulder and Scully taking off those dismal 90’s suits and gettin’ busy obsessed.

I had every episode on tape. Every book, every magazine, every newspaper clipping about the show was neatly pressed in binders. I built a shrine to The X-files in my childhood bedroom equipped with posters, action figures, and makeshift FBI badges and guns.

So, (more…)

February 24, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

The Best Song Lyrics for Facebook Status Updates

People like quoting song lyrics as Facebook/Twitter updates typically for one of two reasons- 1.) They’ve run out of things to say 2.) They think it makes them sound interesting.

However, people often have really shitty taste in music. Take for example this article sent to me by Austin Carnivore from the men’s lifestyle blog MadeMan- “10 Good Music Lyrics for Facebook Status”
#1  is Linkin Park’s “The Catalyst” and includes moving lyrics such as- “God bless us everyone. We’re a broken people living under a loaded gun.”

Damn. That’s some good shit right there. I’m sure men everywhere are thanking you, MadeMan, for representing the male species’ under-appreciated taste in music.

Most of the lyrics I see Tweeted or FB‘d are usually pretty hipstery songs that give the illusion that the poster is wise and insightful. Or give the illusion to the poster that they are giving the illusion that they are wise and insightful. Lot’s of indie crap and references to Joy Division.

Forget Lady (more…)

February 22, 2011 by
Writing

Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin

I often refer to my blog as the ol’ ball and chain. At the extreme, I equate it to the monster that Dr. Frankenstein lost control of. Gene Wilder’s Dr. Frankenstein that is. If I’m going to be any Frankenstein it’s going to be one with an awesome head of curly hair and pencil mustache. On really bad days, I refer to my blog as an animate object and scream defiant remarks at it.

I whine about my blog because as of lately, she dictates my schedule, has minor control over my emotions and dominates my thoughts. This sounds a little extreme but I made a promise to stick with this blog and I have no intention of backing down. Being an only child with a paternal role model who had over 30 jobs, 35 cars, and lived in 13 different states, it’s often easy for me not to follow through on projects. This is one instance where I haven’t let that happen. I’m committed to my blog and I anticipate a day where a future significant other tells me that I’ve chosen the blog over them.

Since I’ve been (more…)

February 21, 2011 by
Writing

My Blah

Grandma: “How is your blah doing?”
Me: “My what?”
Grandma: “You know, that thing you write on? How is it spelled? B-L-A-H?”
Me: “Oh, you mean my blog?”
Grandma: “A what?”
Me: “A blog! Like ‘log’ with a ‘b’.”
Grandma: “A blog?!”
Me: “Yes!”
Grandma: “What the hell is that?”

She had a very excellent point. What the hell is a blog and why is not called blah?

My mother and grandmother’s behavior has been very ‘blah’-worthy as of lately.
Blahworthy being code word for slowly turning into The Beales.
But instead of dramatic New England accents and dozens of cats looking for attention, we have Jewish nagging and my Grandma’s boyfriend, Lionel- a crusty old man in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s and looking for attention.

It’s all started with my Grandmother’s horrible back pain. Being the stoic Depression-born woman that she is, Grandma was in complete denial about it. She walked buckled over in pain, near the point of throwing up, but refused to take any medicine. Wait- (more…)

February 17, 2011 by
Music, Pop Culture

I Still Look Up When You Walk in the Room

Holy crap! I wrote a really long story for the hell of it. 
Let’s just say that I’ve been listening to waaaaay too much Fleetwood Mac lately.

The absolutely best part of the story is when the song he wrote about me came on the radio while we were physically fighting.

That was the hysterical part. What are the odds that that song would play while he was holding my throat against a windshield? I mean, so what it reached #1 back in 2002? Even in my slightly incapacitated state, I found the irony perfect.

I guess this would be the worst part of the story. He held his hand against my throat long enough to make me start to black out but our drummer, Seth, flew out of what seemed like the second story balcony of the hotel and body slammed Ryan to the ground. It seriously was like Spiderman shit. I saw Seth coming in and my eyes must have widened to the size of saucers. Ryan really had no idea what was about to hit him.

They wrestled around on the floor for awhile and the parking lot (more…)

February 16, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture

An Open Letter to the Kids in the Hall

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Hey, feel free to pass this on to any of the Kids in the Hall if you know them. 

Dear Kevin, Dave, Scott, Mark, and Bruce,

I’m a grown woman. I’m 27 years old now. I’m at the age where I would have finally figured out how to balance my checkbook properly if we still used checkbooks.

However, something happened to me when I watched your new show Death Comes to Town yesterday. I resorted back into pubescent 15 year-old nerd girl who used to make Headcrusher home movies in her basement instead of hanging out with kids her own age. The dweeb who used to fantasize about Bruce McCulloch’s little man dance jerks instead of Justin Timberlake’s not little-man dance jerks. The kid who anxiously fidgeted on the school bus ride home every day, contemplating what back-to-back episodes of Kids in the Hall were recording on the VCR and what flavor of Hot Pocket she was going to gorge herself with..

While enjoying your latest production, I could distinctly recall (more…)

February 15, 2011 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

Try a Little Tenderness

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“I haven’t been in love in a long, long time,” she said to herself in the best Otis Redding impression she could muster up. Heightened emphasis on the first “long.” Eight ‘o’s’.

“I haven’t been in love in a loooooooong, long time,” she kept repeating just enough so the purpose behind the sentence meant nothing anymore.

“Hell, I’m not even sure I’ve ever been in love,” she laughs to herself. “I’ve been in infatuation and then something thereafter, I think?”

This prompts her to sing the Rod Stewart song of the same name, but it’s not as enjoyable as her made-up Otis song.

She takes a moment to think back on them all.

It started with Adam. He was the only one to run the course of infatuation, to post-infatuation, to end of the road.

Adam is married and lives in Kansas City and has a second baby on the way. Three weeks after he ended their four year relationship seven years ago, she stopped thinking about him. It scared her how quickly she got over (more…)

February 14, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture

Another 7 Indie Valentine’s Day Movies You Should Watch

Yesterday I posted my top 8 favorite indie romantic comedies/dramas for Valentine’s Day. The truth is the list started out as 12, then got chiseled down to 10, then down to 8. Sometimes I get tired of writing a post. Sometimes I look at my post and I resent it and I don’t want to write it anymore and I want to whisper how much I hate it into it’s ear if it had an ear. That’s how a list goes from 12 down to 8.

However, yesterday’s list did not accurately relay my favorite indie romcoms and romdras and so many wonderful readers pointed out quintessential films that I missed entirely. I wanted to continue the list with Another Top 7 Indie Romantic Films That I Got Too Exhausted to Talk About in Yesterday’s Post.

And, yes I know some of these movies aren’t actually indies. Like I mentioned yesterday, “indie” is the code word for “hipster”. I just didn’t want to overuse the word “hipster” this week (though it’s used maybe nine 900 hundred times in this post).

Enjoy!

1.) Say Anything (more…)

February 11, 2011 by
Film, Pop Culture

Top 8 Indie Valentine’s Day Movies

Indie being a code term for “hipster”. I already used up my one allotted use of the word “hipster” this week.

Many of these films aren’t even indies, but they are just quirky enough to earn a place in the hearts of millions of pretentious young people like myself.

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day and with a little help from my friend Levi, here are the top 8 best indie/alternative/hipster romantic movies for the death-obsessing, mixtape-making, Smiths-loving couples out there.

1.) Harold and Maude (1971)
Harold and Maude chronicles quite possibly one of the most unconventional, but beautiful relationships captured in contemporary film. Directed by a dude with one of the coolest old-man name’s, Hal Ashby (Shampoo, Being There), this ground-breaking film follows the May-December romance of the young and somber Harold and the Jurassic and vivacious Maude. Harold comes from a wealthy family and he’s bored with it all… and really into death. The 1970’s goth kid came in the garb of (more…)

February 10, 2011 by
20-Something, Hipstercrite Life

This Must be the Place


Sunday was a quiet and simple day.

The sort of day that every person looks forward to. Sunny, warm, and sweet.

I wandered around the house pondering what to do. I was bored and feeling completely stalled.

Boredom blurs the lines of content and ambivalence.

I paced the house, I picked up and moved an object or two, I sat down, I stood up, I did 8 push-ups, I turned on the TV, I turned it off, I listened to 2 1/2 minutes of a song, I turned it off.

Finally, I stood in the doorway and looked down at the ground. Seven years ago, I thought, seven years ago this behavior would have culminated into me having a drink, me writing a bunch of nonsensical lament in my notebook, crying, then falling asleep fully clothed with streaks of mascara running down my face.

I was 20 then. I was in a new city. I knew no one. I worked 24/7. I felt utterly and completely alone. I was bored. I paced the house. I overthought. I discovered that I had insecurities. I had my heart broken by adults. (more…)

February 8, 2011 by