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Writing

When "Hey, I Think I’m Gonna Quit My Career and Work in Non-Profit" Turns into Quitting Your Career and Working in Non-Profit and Hating It

Last year, in a weak effort to impose validity on my life (but not in an attempt to rectify my sins), I decided that my future no longer included working in the film business, but rather growing out my armpit hair and slinging it in the non-profit sector.
I got about four days into the armpit rebellion and only two months into the job.
A great lesson was learned during this time- don’t pick just any cause to support, pick a cause you’re willing to make an ass of yourself for (oh, and you smell when you don’t shave your pits).

The organization I worked for is a radical anti-war organization with followers across the globe. Though I learned many valuable lessons and met pizazzy characters along the way, protesting the war was not the sort of thing that gave me an ethical boner when I woke up in the morning.

I was not in favor of the war in Iraq, but I quickly discovered that marching in front of the White House doesn’t hold the same power as it did in 1968. Being able to see a physical difference (more…)
Writing

Totally Awesome Hipster Giveaway Winner Announced

I have a collapsible top hat that I carry around with me.
You never know when it’s going to come in handy, say like when drawing names for a TOTALLY AWESOME HIPSTER GIVEAWAY.

Here is me attempting to wink at you. However, it’s looks more like someone off camera just shot something into my eye.

Here are all the names in my collapsible top hat.

And the winner is….holy shit!
I mean, the winner is Wild as a Mink.

Out of 61 contestants, the person who inspired me to have this giveaway, the nice young gal whose blog giveaway I won last week, is the winner.
I know it sounds a little fishy, but I assure you, no shenanigans up in these parts.
What are the odds, huh?
Nickie, I guess we were destined to exchange gifts with one another.
I’ll be having another giveaway next month that will feature items from Alternative Apparel.
Writing

Mannequin Babies Make Good Watch Dogs

My plan worked.

THE TOTALLY AWESOME HIPSTER GIVEAWAY contest was not just for you.
It’s not all about you, you know?
It was also for me.
It was a way for me to derive from the glowing orb of your collective wittiness and creativity. I just stole a tiny piece of you. I’m sorry.
I’M SORRY!

Oh, I also just learned that I changed someone’s life by introducing them to Steve Martin’s THE JERK.
I think I want that on my epitaph:

LAUREN MODERY
Daughter/Blogger/Childless Shut-In/Good At Introducing People to the Movie THE JERK

There were just too many wonderful comments left on the giveaway post not to share.
Here are some fine examples of ingenious at it’s best:

Daynya: lauren, in bizarro world, you and i would take our mannequin babies to movies with us, then go have bloody mary’s at brunch while they sat outside, guarding our bikes 🙂

VegKat: I love giveaways, and I love your blog. I want to make out with like every post you write. (Sometimes I actually do.) And is the theme “Mannequin”? Cause if you (more…)
Writing

Totally Awesome Hipster Giveaway

So check this.
One of my favorite fashion blogs (ok, let’s face it, my only favorite fashion blog), Wild as a Mink, But Sweet as Soda Pop by the lovely Nickie, had a contest giveaway recently and guess who won?

Guess.
No, not Richard Dreyfuss.
I did!
You have no idea how freakin‘ excited I was!
Here are some pics of my prize:

A Garbage Pail kid card. Say hello to Jake Flake. He is snowboarding in his own dandruff.

Benetint Lip Balm by Benefitthe only cosmetic line that matters (with product names like Dr. Feelgood and Touch Me Then Try to Leave, how can you not love them?)

Gumbo size Lip Smacker Dr. Pepper chapstick that I already took a little nibble out of (you were right, Nickie)

Groupie extraordinaire Pamela Des Barres’ “I’m With the Band” and “Let’s Spend the Night Together”

Nickie’s generosity has inspired me to have a giveaway myself.
The TOTALLY AWESOME HIPSTER GIVEAWAY!!!
(Note- Lauren, don’t try writing this post at 3AM after just waking up with the computer on top of you and burning a (more…)
Writing

SXSW 2010 Film Lineup: The Forgotten Stepchild

All this talk about the SXSW 2010 Music lineup!
But what about the movies, huh?
You know, SXSW ain’t too shabby in the film department. The festival has introduced us to such great hits as: I Love You Man, Moon, Adventureland, Hurt Locker, 21, American Teen, Choke, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Shine a Light.


Here are some highlights of the SXSW 2010 Film lineup:

It’s Austin, Why Wouldn’t There Be a Bunch of Movies About Music?
Lemmy All I know about Lemmy is that he has a mustache that can kill. And he looks like he belongs in a gay porno. I don’t think I like Motorhead, but I’m sure this doc rocks nonetheless.
The White Stripes Under Great White Northern Lights– Why wouldn’t the White Stripes come up with such an epic title for their documentary? This doc follows the band across Canada as they converge on their 10th anniversary performance.

The Runaways– This film about the 70’s rock band, The Runaways, stars Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning and premiered last month at Sundance. After (more…)
Writing

My Father is Like Richard Branson But Without the Billions Of Dollars Part

*(Dad, I know you texted me to say that you’re reading my blog right now, but do us both a favor and don’t read this one. Unless you’re drunk. But it’s 8AM in California, so you’re probably not).

“I slept in a parking lot with a bunch of homeless people last night,” my father proudly told me over the phone.

I nearly swallowed my tongue.

“Why, Dad?”

The word “why” is a common word used while talking to my father. “When” is not necessary since time rarely plays a part in his story. “Where” is also not crucial to the story unless it involves “Skid Row” (which has come up a number of times). “Who” may sometimes pop up because his little episodes of keeping boredom at bay often effect other people (specifically two ex-wives and a daughter). “What” is probably the most common word used after “why”, as in, “What the f*ck did you just do Dad?!”

“Yeah, they have this whole system going on where they sleep in this hotel parking lot, then use the hotel showers and get continental breakfast in the morning. (more…)

Austin

Look At These Photos! LOOK AT THEM!

So, it looks like my has brain died.

I don’t know what happened, but it just doesn’t work anymore.
While I take it in to get fixed, check out these photos of Austin.
(You know you love it).


Writing

Talk About Bum Cakes My Girl’s Got ‘Em

As you all probably know, American Apparel is currently searching for “The Best Bottom in the World!” Commentary on this contest is moot considering it does all the talking for itself.
I’ve combed through over 1200 butts to find you my favorites. Thoughts?
(P.S.- If you get a chance, please check out my post at Alternative Apparel today and let me know your thoughts)

Ginger was surprised at how much the tree tasted like snozberries.

Finally fed up with not being able to get her shirt on, Suzy left the house and was quickly mounted by a neighborhood kid who mistook her for a pony.

Seeing a large American Apparel billboard while walking down Sunset Boulevard, Lindsey had an epiphany. “Is that what I look like?!” she shouted into the air. She promptly turned around and threw up in the nearest trash can.

Steve refused to look out the window and see a world where Geraldo Rivera impersonators are not accepted.

Dana’s lifelong dream of becoming a My Little Pony was finally taking shape.

The ideology of (more…)
Writing

This is A Quickie Post (That’s What She Said)

I unfortunately don’t have time to write a post today, so I’m going to force you to look at pictures of me.
Some of you yesterday asked to expand on my time in Hollywood. I used to be a personal assistant. Through my work, I was able to meet many of wonderful people and go to places I’ve never been. It was an insane roller coaster that I don’t regret for a second.
Here are some pics of people I met/worked with below.

This is the one guy that made me most weak in the knees. I was at a movie premiere, a movie that my boss and a friend produced, and they introduced me to him. There was talk about producing the next Pee-Wee movie, but sadly, nothing ever came of it on our end. I’m hoping Paul makes a new Pee-Wee movie soon!

I couldn’t stop staring at Thomas Lennon’s junk. This was taken in front of our office at Sunset Gower. Reno 911! shared the same building as us. I would walk by Thomas Lennon every day and blush.

Good memories

What you don’t see in this picture is the cow to the left of Lynch.
Writing

The One Where I Couldn’t Come Up With A Semi-Witty Title But Desperately Wanted To

I realized recently that I do not get super personal on my blog.

Wait!
That’s kind of a lie.
I will talk about former flames and certain traits that they probably don’t want discussed on an open forum, former solitary drinking habits, and dreams of running naked through the desert of Western Texas, but I do not talk about the day-to-day aspects of my life.
The only bits of info that you probably really know about me is that I’m in love with David Byrne, Jeff Goldblum, and Crispin Glover and that I like being photographed with mannequins.
Oh, and that I talk about Austin, TX a little too much.
Over the past six months, I’ve had so many wonderful and interesting new friends join my blog. I would like to share a little more about myself in hopes that you will in turn tell me your darkest secrets.

My son Skippy and I

Name: Lauren
Age: 26
Hometown: Lonelytown, NY (the best thing to do on a Saturday night was go to Denny’s….and that even shut down. Now it’s Wal-mart)
Current Town: Austin, TX (Heaven (more…)