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It’s Sappy Fun Happy Thank You Time!

I want to thank every one of you who take a few minutes out of your day to read my blog.
Your interest and comments are what keep me writing. Many of you have helped to create confidence in myself as a writer, and for that, I’m forever grateful.
I wish there was a way to thank all of individually, but the best I can do is show you some of the blogs that have supported and inspired me along the way.
_________________
Photography- Thar She Blargs
In our day-to-day journey, we connect with thousands of people. We collect each other like magnets. However, we can only carry so much weight, so at the end of the day, you cut off the fat and see what has stuck. What people have made an impression on you. The people you want to make sure hang around for awhile. I’m very lucky to be friends with the author of this blog.
In Emily, I see myself, but mostly I see somebody I wish I could be. Her photography conveys what I could only hope for in my writing. Her art shows a woman much wiser beyond her years.

(more…)

February 16, 2010 by
Writing

Tag: Narcissistic Twenty-Something Lament


“Mom, I just don’t understand,” I said, the phone nestled against my ear, millimeters from the tub water. “I’m living the life that I always thought I wanted, but why do I feel like there is something missing?”

I wanted to let the phone drop into the water, hold my breath, and pull my head under to see how long I could hold it for.
Under water, everything stands still for a few seconds.

Instead, I let my mother reply with her heartfelt motherly response; a response she’s given countless times prior. Ever since I turned 20 years old.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and held it towards the window. Her words bounced off the pane and dissipated into the air.

I already know there is no real answer to that question.

___________________________________________

I remember the day it all stopped making sense.

It was the day I moved to Los Angeles.
It all began on the first year of my new decade in a new city.
Start line go.
Forward movement that sputtered with an untightened axle.
The feeling of dancing (more…)
February 15, 2010 by
Austin

A One Woman Austin Tourism Bureau

An Austin friend, who just drove to California for a getaway, texted me last night to say she is in now love with LA and wants to move there.
Then I threw my phone against the wall.
Having lived in Los Angeles for five years, I understand the allure behind it. Hell, I’m still in love with the city (in a f’ed up Sid & Nancy kind of way), but after hearing horror stories of high unemployment rates, high cost of living, lack of financial aid, lack of unemployment aid, non refund of tax returns, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to live there right now. California is a beautiful state that has been run into the ground.
California, one day I may return to you, but get some help. You’re looking sloppy.
Why Austin is way better than your city:
1.) Unemployment rate is 6.6% vs. National Average 10.0% (latest stat from BLS Dec 2009)
2.) We have vigils for injured homeless celebrities (who wear leopard print thongs and run for city mayor)

3. ) There is no state income tax (I bring home (more…)
February 12, 2010 by
Writing

Beautiful At Any Age

The other day, as I leaned into the mirror to take note of my growing roots, I noticed a stray little gray hair reaching up towards the sky. Standing completely independent from the rest of my mane, the little guy was short and fat, much coarser than the rest of the crew. He desperately wanted up and out. I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping to calm the fellow down and join the rest of the brunette crew. Doing this suddenly unearthed several more gray buddies all lying dormant underneath my plume of bangs.

Twelve to be exact.

Flabbergasted, I stepped away from the mirror, wondering if you could see the gaggle of twisty and turny bristles from a distance. I couldn’t, but what I did see were the furrowing brow lines that now dissipated from my forehead a lot slower than they used to. I smiled, I squinted, I pursed my lips. After every gesture I could see the road map of lines clearly for the first time in my life.

What are these new additions? I didn’t order these! I want them gone. (more…)

February 11, 2010 by
Writing

Hipster Valentine’s Day Gift Guide Pt. 2 (The Dirty Stuff)

Yesterday, I posted part one of my Hipster Valentine’s Day Guide. It included a whole bunch of mustache.

Today’s part is what to get your honey if you’re a hipster and dirty.
And I don’t mean, I’m-a-hipster-that-rides-my-bike-a lot-and-doesn’t-shower-and-smells-like-a-Salvation-Army-depository dirty.

1.) Ok, this isn’t dirty at all, but I had to include this necklace on the list because it’s from “Annie Hall” and there is no greater love story than that of Alvy and Annie.
“Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, don’t you think I do?”

2.) Cooter perfume. Not perfume for your cooter. Perfume that smells like your cooter. I don’t think anything I could write after this point will matter.

(thanks to the Sassy Curmudgeon for inspiration of “cooter”)

3.) Wondering what to do with that Snuggie that you threatened your Mom not to buy you for Christmas but she did anyways? Get creative with the Snuggie (more…)

February 10, 2010 by
Writing

Hipster Valentine’s Gift Guide Pt. 1

It’s that dreaded time of year.
That time where you have to buy your special lady or gentlemen friend a gift that says, “Hey, I guess I kind of like you.” Or, “I’m completely broke right now, but hey thanks for letting me have sex with you, the best I can give you is your special edition record of “Power, Corruption & Lies” back.”
If you’re not sure what to get your non-prescription bespectacled lover, then look no further. I have just the thing for you!

1.) Nothing says “I love you” to your lady (or that “I’m secretly in love with mustached men and this is how I’m trying to tell you”) more than a Tom Selleck pillow.

Make sure to check out their Chuck Norris and Burt Reynolds pillows as well.

Made in Austin! (of course! where else would you find something soooo ironic?)
(thanks @adleyh)

2.) If you don’t know how to tell your baby that you want to bone him/her, then let the Michael McDonald Ultimate Collection do the talking. He knows how.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve boned to McD! (more…)
February 9, 2010 by
Writing

Indie Music According to Middle-Aged People

When I was a young, my parents and I had reversed musical interests.
I listened to their record collection, while they bought the latest Top 40 CDs.
At the time my mother was listening to Will Smith’s “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” and Right Said Fred’s “I Have No Idea What the Album is Called Nor Do I Care”, I was mesmerized by the 15th anniversary release of Talking Heads’ “Stop Making Sense” and buying as many over-sized glasses and sequiny jumpers to fulfill my fantasy of being Elton John circa 1972 (this was at a time in my life when my mother once asked me if I was gay while sitting in a parked car in front of a Subway restaurant).
In high school, I would play my Mom’s Zappa records while I laid on the basement floor, imaging her doing the same thing at my age in 1967. Right when I was at the point having a completely fictional LSD trip, she would kill my buzz by shouting, “Wow, I can’t believe I actually listened to that crap.”
I’d make my parents recollect their stories of seeing Hendrix, (more…)
February 8, 2010 by
Writing

This is What Happens When You Reread All Your Bret Easton Ellis Books


“I’m a good girl.” I kept saying over and over as I laid in the bathtub staring at nothing in particular.

“I will always be the good girl.”

I’m not like those girls you read about in books.
But I want to be.
Be like this girl right here. The one with my namesake who kind of sort knew that it was always going to be like that.
The utter and complete nihilism.
Behavior counteracting against the fundamental need for connection.
When we think that what we listen to and what we wear defines us.
Breaking everything in our paths through ambivalence.
Drinking, fucking.
Rock n’ Roll.

And that time I walked through Koreatown at 3AM in a fur coat and nothing else with that boy from the Hamptons.
That doesn’t count.
Or the night I passed out drunk alone on Venice Beach because I thought I didn’t care.
That doesn’t either.
Putting my hand on the thigh of a boy who didn’t love me nor I he.
The dead body lying in the middle of Route 110 and my mind going blank.
Having had that affair with the almost married director (more…)

February 5, 2010 by
Writing

Fashion- Alternative Apparel

I’ve been a fan of Alternative Apparel ever since I stole their Eco Heather Long Pant from a friend of mine.
You couldn’t get me out of those babies. I wore them to work, I wore them to dates, I wore them on the plane. Every time I got off the plane, my mother would say, “Are you wearing those friggin’ pants again?”
Yes, yes I am mother.
Not only is Alternative Apparel’s clothing comfortable and classy, it’s sexy too. Hey, it’s also fair trade. How many people can say that they’re all things while giving a rat’s patootie about how their clothing is made? Not many.
Take a look at some of my favorite items by Alternative Apparel:



The Stevie (anything named after Stevie Nicks is amazing in my book)


This Guy (not the name of the clothing item)

This Guy Too (still not the name of the clothing item)

I’m really stoked to have the privilege of writing for the Alternative Apparel blog.
February 4, 2010 by
Writing

Just When I Thought I Was I Through Listening to the SXSW Line-Up…

….a gazillion more people are added.

Thanks to the wise folks over at Austin music blog Ultra 8201 for sharing this list.

Bands You’ve Probably Heard Of:


Les Savy Fav (Brooklyn)
Spoon (Austin)
The xx (London)

Favorite Band Name:

Bear in Heaven (Brooklyn)- This makes me think of a lonely stuffed Teddy Bear sitting on a bunch of clouds looking down at all the fun he’s missing on planet Earth. It makes me sad. Good thing the bad is pretty kickin’.

Band of Skulls (London) Karen O?

Least Favorite Band Name:
Cymbal Eats Guitar (NYC)- Really? That is the best you could come up with? Don’t let the name deter you. They’re actually pretty fun.

Sigh, Another “Wolf” Something Or Other:
Wolfgang Gartner (Austin)- Ugh….and he’s a DJ. No more DJs.

Wait, I Think My Ex-Boyfriend Told Me About This Band And I Definitely Was Not Paying Attention:

Hudson Mohawke (Scotland)- Slow hip hop synth kind (more…)
February 3, 2010 by