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TSSF- Twenty-Something Shit Fest


For the love of God! I don’t think I’ve ever been this depressed before! This has to be the lowest I’ve ever felt in my entire life! I am so unbelievably lost and lonely right now! My brain hurts and my heart perpetually aches! I don’t think it can get any worse than this!

Just when I think my twenties have reached the pinnacle of patheticness, I flip through my diary and am surprised to discover the same sentences, word for word, written every couple of months for the past five years.

What the fuck?

Have I been this whiny for awhile now? Or do I just have a pension for exclamations and dramatic adjectives like most girls my age?

Can someone please explain to me why during the most exciting time in our lives, we are positively convinced that we’re doomed to a lifetime of soul-charring careers and vapid relationships that culminates in a house filled with an array of pets named after our favorite soap stars and a refrigerator covered in pictures of other people’s children? Jason and Melissa’s (more…)

December 17, 2009 by
Writing

Televangelism Fashion

Sometimes I think about turning my blog into a fashion blog.
Fashion blogs always seem to be the belle of the ball.
The hit of the party.
The slut of the kegger.
They always get the most traffic and the most comments.
Which is interesting, because they’re usually written by a doe-eyed thirteen year-old girl from Winnipeg who likes to stand pigeon-toed and wear her Grandma’s reading glasses.
Anytime I do write about fashion, it’s one of three things- vintage clothing, making fun of American Apparel, and making fun of American Apparel while forgetting that I’m wearing an entire American Apparel ensemble.
However, I thought today that I might write a fashion post for a dude named Oral.
Yes, Oral.
Oral died yesterday and I had no idea who the heck he was. In fact, I’m super hung-up on the fact that a couple decided to name their kid Oral and haven’t read anything past that.
According to CNN, he was an extremely old Evangelist.
This is very fitting because I’ve always had a thing for popular, eccentric (more…)
December 16, 2009 by
Writing

Thank You For the Big Schnoz, Great-Grandma Sophie

Like every modern vintage lovin’/aspiring DIY hipster in Austin, TX, I will attempt to sell old clothing.
Wait. “Old clothing” makes it sound smelly; like it’s been sitting in some shut-in’s trunk in the basement for 35 years. These are “carefully selected vintage styles most likely owned by old ladies who took better care of their dresses than their children”.
SGF and I did a photo shoot this weekend for my impending Etsy page. These are some out takes.
What do you all think?
Or better yet, does anyone want to buy one of these pieces?
Girl not included, but beer can definitely is.



December 14, 2009 by
Writing

What a Fool Believes

“I’m concerned”, I said to my psychiatrist as I looked down at my thumbs.
God, they’re some big ass fucking thumbs.

“I’m concerned because I’m starting to like Michael McDonald and I’m not sure what to do.”

I don’t have a therapist.
However, I did at one point.
If I still had a therapist this would be the first thing I’d say to her as I sit down for my session.

It does concern me that I no longer have the distinct urge to rip my face off and sling it against a window when I hear Michael McDonald. Even worse, sometimes you’ll find me standing on a table, very enthusiastically shouting, “No, seriously guys, even the black folks think Darryl Hall is awesome.”

I want to know what this all means. Does it signify that I’m getting old? Does the moment you go from thinking, “Quick! “Saturday in the Park” is making my ears bleed” to “Hey, don’t change the station, I kind of dig Chicago” signify the immediate transition from young person into adult? Will Peter Cetera and Bruce Hornsby(more…)

December 14, 2009 by
Writing

I Have a Friend Who Has a Friend That Got Crabs From Trying on Vintage Clothing

I’m looking down at my desk and there are CRUMBS EVERYWHERE!

Enjoy these photos of us wearing American Apparel’s California Select while I clean this shit up….
(P.S. you can buy all this jazz at the American Apparel store on Congress)

Emily loves Crepes Mille.

Richard loves pole.

Ben loves America. And denim. America and denim.

Lauren loves sparkles. SPARKLES, SPARKLES, SPARKLES!

Frances really loves the flavorful Italian cuisine at Botticelli’s
Ben and Lauren love awkward, subtitled conversations overlooking Manhattan (or in this case, St. Vincent de Paul’s Charity Store parking lot)
December 4, 2009 by
Writing

Jesus Was a Hipster

My friend, Johanna, over at FashionJargan, shared with me a delightful new website called Hipster is the New Homeless.

You can pretty much guess what it is.

I was going to post some images from the website, but realized that I had so many of my own wonderful pictures of to chose from! I have not asked a single one of my friends below if it’s ok to use their image. Not a one. I’m not sure what they will be more offended about- me saying they look “homeless” or “hipstery”. Probably will lose some friends over this. Yep.

are those two 40’s in there or are you just happy to see me?
fuck off, this is MY hot dog

come to think of it, jesus was the first homeless hipster, wasn’t he?

no caption necessary

whaaa do you mean i pissed mmmyself?
we really should have hopped that train to Santa Monica

east side 4 eva

someone come up with a caption for me, i can’t think of anything
this is what begging for change in Austin looks like

please sir….
December 3, 2009 by
Writing

Rotten Shark Meat in Yo Mustache


My Grandmother introduces her boyfriend of twelve years as “my great…friend”. Not “my boyfriend” or “my 82 year-old Jewish lover” or “the dude I sued because my heel got caught in an uprooted tile in the building he owns and we started dating soon after that”, but something that requires a long pause before finishing the sentence.

My Grandmother does this mostly due to her embarrassment of Lionel’s barking in public. The barking is typically followed by a swift slap to my Grandma’s surprisingly firm 83 year-old ass, then loud commentary to no one in particular about how he’s dating an “old lady”. He’ll then feign falling over, bark some more, and at this point the owner of whatever establishment they’re in, politely asks Lionel to leave. My Grandma will stand there in her teal angora shoulder padded sweater dress smiling away, when really she’s fantasizing about lining Lionel and her two ex-husbands against a wall and beating them with her treasured marbled elephant from Algiers.
I’ve been (more…)
November 30, 2009 by
Writing

Go E.A.S.T., Young Man

Once a year, the studios and galleries of East Austin open up their doors and share with you the magic of the local art scene. This past weekend over 154 studios participated in the East Austin Studio Tour. If you missed out, don’t worry, E.A.S.T. has expanded until next weekend, so make sure you stop by!

Our space was lucky enough to be included in the newly added Preview night which enabled art collectors to preview artists’ work before anyone else. Here are pictures below. We were fortunate to have a variety of unique and talented artists showcase their work.


Photograph by Leah Ross

Art by Andrea Barringer

Art by Justin Wright

Artist Jen Bradley

Art by Eric Schoen


Me me me and my tiny photos

November 16, 2009 by
Writing

Chocolate Candy Jesus Christ

It takes a lot for me to get excited about a new band. Which is interesting because I live in Austin, TX- one of the best places to see new and pre-fucked by the diseased penis’ of major corporations music. However, I’m super stoked to check out the sold-out Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros at The Independent @ 501 Studios tonight. So stoked that I put on my recently purchased 60’s cream tunic for the show tonight, totally not realizing that I now look like Luke Skywalker.

 
Not only is this band exciting and unique, but for me, they tap into my deeply rooted fascination with the faux traveling-Evangelical-Americana-thang. I would totally change my name to “Iyzebel” and leave my life behind to travel on the road with this band. I would concoct some sort of “miracle drink” and hock it on the side of the road wearing a dress made out of rice bags.

 
Every aspect of their music- the gazillion member band, the diversity of their voices, the layers of traditional and uncommonly used (more…)
November 6, 2009 by
Writing

This Must be the Place- American Psycho Style

My super charming, middle-aged best friend from Germany who once froze a dead cat (not for sadistic purposes, but because he didn’t want the owner to think it passed away so quickly on his watch, so he was going to microwave it right before the owner came home from vacation) thinks I’m ahead of the curve when it comes to the movie/music/art scenes.

That is a fallacy.
I only give the illusion that I am. Just like how many people think I’m tall because I’ve been wearing heels since I was 13 (like my grandmother, which practice recently got her in trouble on the treadmill and she fell and broke her wrist). I’m typically anywhere from 2-6 months behind which is why this blog will never be on the cutting edge for knowledge thirsty hipsters. Unless you want to know anything about Pee-Wee Herman, then I’m super on the ball.
So, I’m SURE you’ve already seen this video below. I typically don’t post videos on my blog (unless it’s Pee-Wee Herman), but this one I just can’t resist. It sandwiches together (more…)
November 5, 2009 by