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Letting the Days Go By


Shit, man! 

I just realized I ain’t a kid no mo! 

And it took a 1987 sing-along at the Alamo Drafthouse to notify me.
Though the Atari and Dunkin’ Donuts commercials gave me a good nostalgic beating last night, it was the first few seconds of George Michael’s “Faith” music video that pushed me down into my seat. My smile faded as I watched the black and white jukebox fade into a long tilt up the ripped jeans of our impeccably groomed hero. I imagined myself at four years-old, sitting on the living room carpet watching this man shake his finely sculpted ass back and forth and thinking, “Now that is what a man looks like” (could explain some of my dating problems).
It was at that moment I realized I was a long ways away from being a child anymore.
Up until that moment last night, I was movin’ and groovin’ to the créme de la créme of 1987 music videos. 
Michael Jackson’s “Bad”
White Snake’s “Here I Go Again” 
Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” 
After each song finished, our hearts would skip a beat (more…)
April 24, 2009 by
Austin

Heaven vs. Hell

What does heaven look like to you?

I always imagined that heaven looked like a big city filled with lush trees and crystal lakes, beautiful people riding bikes and hanging out at coffee shops, music drifting through the air, art being created around every corner, and a transgendered homeless man wearing a leopard print thong parading around downtown.
For all accounts, I have reached heaven. 
Austin is heavenly.
So why do I daydream about hell so often?
Hell being Los Angeles.
I don’t imply that it’s “hell” to live in Los Angeles, I allude to the Biblical sense- fire, brimstone, lost and torched souls, all that jazz. I’m convinced that the devil lives in the basement of the Chateau Marmont. I think I saw him getting a Bloody Mary at The Body Shop strip club before it mysteriously caught on fire in December.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell.
Austin, I need to be saved! 
Wipe these dirty daydreams of driving down the Sunset Strip at 2AM from my memory. Take away my longing for the cool Venice Beach (more…)
April 23, 2009 by
Writing

Today is National Bret Easton Ellis Day!

I just made that up.

Let’s just pretend it’s National Bret Easton Ellis Day.
Let’s devote this day, April 21st, some random, fairly forgetful day in the middle of April, to celebrate the life and work of Bret Easton Ellis, ok? How does that sound to you?
The cause for celebration is not only because of the April 24th release of Ellis’ THE INFORMERS (a movie that WILL NOT be debuting in Austin), but because of the news that Ellis has just completed his sequel to “Less Than Zero”!
MTV reports that the new book, entitled, “Imperial Bedrooms” (Ellis and his Elvis Costello obsession!), will be released May 2010 and will reaquaint us with Clay, Julian, Blair, and Rip now all twenty years older. Ellis is quoted as saying he’d be interested in having Robert Downey Jr., Andrew McCarthy, Jamie Gertz, and James Spader back to fill their roles (let’s pretend that 20th Century Fox didn’t kill off Julian in the movie). Ellis says that Julian’s character is now “sober” but “fragile” (glad to hear (more…)
April 21, 2009 by
Writing

Twitter Quitter

That’s what my dear friend Chris (the next adopted Weinstein Brother) said to me earlier today on AIM.

 “I’m thinking about quitting Twitter…which I guess would make me a Twitter Quitter.”

I think he’s onto something.
Though I opened a Twitter account over a year ago, it wasn’t until recently that I jumped on that 100 mile per hour Twitter Train. After a nausiating worldwhind, I’m now standing at the edge of the boxcar, looking down at the passing landscape, trying to find a safe place to land.
In addition to discovering the site shallow and mostly a “my dick is bigger than your’s” contest, I’ve managed to LOSE A FRIEND because of it’s insanity. I made a comment to a friend who was changing his status every two seconds that his “status updates are out of control!”. That led to him calling me a “bitch” and “pompous” and “defriending” me- in all areas of life. Why that provoked such anger, I don’t know. It’s safe to say that though Twitter is not the full problem in this matter, (more…)
April 20, 2009 by
Writing

Marfa, TX

 

The Marfa Film Festival is coming up on April 29-May 3rd (and Larry McMurtry will be there!)
What’s Marfa, Texas you ask? (native Texans roll their eyes)
Marfa is a tiny artist oasis deep in the desert of West Texas. Marfa has a population of a little over 2,000 residents and only two traditional hotels.
Why is a town of only 2,000 so popular? Well, after minimalist Donald Judd moved to Marfa in the early 70’s, the city has since become a popular haven for artists and hipsters. The city boasts a number of galleries and foundations and that perfect photo op of the vacant road median or big Texan sky reflection in your side view mirror.

The city’s charm was not left unnoticed by Hollywood either (of course not, Hollywood always has to whip out it’s dick and piss everywhere ) where movies such as GIANT, THERE WILL BE BLOOD, and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN were filmed.
And if you watch “Gossip Girl”, you might have noticed the Prada Marfa sign that hangs in Lily’s condo. (more…)
April 16, 2009 by
Writing

Discovering Your Sexuality Through Hairy Gay Men

 

Remember that age when you started discovering your sexuality?
That awkward, dreadful time when you didn’t understand why your male friends suddnely felt the urge to show you their penises while you were trying to reenact “X-files” episodes in the basement of your house, or why you got that funny feeling when you climbed the rope in gym?
When classmates started throwing around the words “pink”, “taco”, “tossing” and “salad” and you still thought they were talking about food, and your class president got detention for receiving something called a “blow job” on the 8th grade school trip to D.C.?
Then there you were. Clueless and wearing a sports bra. Fantisizing over a picture of a shirtless Elton John from 1972 hanging above your bed.
I wish I could say it was 1972 when I would gawk at this picture. That would make a little more sense.
I guess?
However, it was 1997. While all my friends carried pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and Gavin Rossdale in their text books, (more…)
April 9, 2009 by
Writing

Love, Sex, and Missing Appendages

Being single and living in a big city can suck. Having one arm may suck more though…

It Was the One Armed Man by Kate Mullen
(*I have the privilege of calling this brilliant and beautiful woman one of my closest friends)

After finding out my fiance was gay and suddenly needing to move, I turned to Craigslist to deliver to me a roommate and confidant. I narrowed my search down to finding a fellow single gal. I fantasized about us having late night talks and mixing our social circles. I thought of how I’d meet my new boyfriend through her and we’d laugh at my wedding reception how it all began on a site that listed yard sales and sex opportunities. I envisioned strangers stopping to tell us how our witty banter belonged on HBO, or at worst Fox.

Reality quickly bitch slapped the fantasy right out of me. Turns out not many people are rushing to live with a single 25 year old stranger. My new roommate Kira was nothing that I had hoped. Upon first looking at her she looked like a (more…)

April 6, 2009 by
Writing

Dad, I REALLY Hope You Don’t Read This One…


Because it’s all about this little problem we’re having with you reading my blog…

I’m serious, Dad. DON’T READ THIS ONE.

STOP RIGHT NOW.

Ok, if you aren’t my father, you can continue reading…

NO! NO PEEKING DAD. GO READ SOMETHING ELSE! HERE, LOL CATS ARE COOL. GO TO THAT SITE INSTEAD. IT’S A BUNCH OF CUTE CATS WITH FUNNY CAPTIONS. YOU LIKE THAT SORT OF STUFF.

So, I get a Facebook message from my father the other day telling me that he’s defriending me on Facebook (which he has yet to do). Actually his words were, “I’m cutting you loose”. He wasn’t specific on which way he was cutting me loose. For all I know, he could have been trying to tell me that he was sailing to Marlon Brando’s island out in the South Pacific and I was to never hear from him again. I found out later that he meant Facebook, when my Mother, called me concerned.

“You father called me.”

My parents have been divorced for seventeen years, so when my dad calls my mother, it’s usually because he’s worried about me and doesn’t (more…)

April 6, 2009 by
Writing

The Boys I Have Dated: Austin

Hey boys and girls! You know what time it is?

It’s time for more embarrassing stories about men I have dated!

Yay!

This time chapter is entitled Austin.

If you’re not up to date with all escapades that would make Carrie Bradshaw shed a tear for me, then you can catch up here: Pre-LA, L.A.- Year 1, L.A.- Year 2, and L.A.- Year 3 + 4. (This invitation excludes anyone who goes by the name of “Mom” or “Dad” and has the last name of “Modery”. I’m super serious this times, guys, you really don’t want to read these posts. This will cause awkward conversations for the next few weeks otherwise. Turn away now!!! DO IT!!!).
#13. You were the first guy I went out with in Austin after fleeing Los Angeles. “Going out” is a nice way of putting it. More like invited me to your house for a kegger, then a few nights later to coffee where you made me pay for everything. That’s like ten red flags rolled into one. You were a good-looking guy with a nice body, but acted a little awkward and clueless. It’s funny (more…)
March 30, 2009 by
Writing

Welcome, You Hipstercrite


A new blog about a former L.A. hipster living in Austin, TX.
*Footnote-
(Considering I have no plans in the near future to move back to Los Angeles, I’ve decided to change my blog name from PlasticLA (a not so subtle hint to my feelings towards Los Angeles) to HIPSTERCRITE (an equally unimpressive, forced blog name).
PlasticLA has been my blog for exactly three years now and she’s gone through many incarnations- all directionless. She first started as a young assistant’s commentary on the film industry and the city of Los Angeles itself. 
It was boring.
…Really?
When the realities of her subject matter began to stifle her creativity, she abandoned, no I, me, (no more third person), I, abandoned the blog for a good year or so (I don’t want to admit it, but wouldn’t want to deny it’s role in the matter- I was nursing a child-like broken heart and a drinking problem as well. Mm hmm.)
March 30, 2009 by