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The 5 Hottest U.S. Presidents

It’s President’s Day, everyone!

Wait, it is President’s Day, right?

Once you’re out of grade school all these holidays kind of meld together.

And since I’m no longer in grade school, I’m going to celebrate President’s Day by discussing the hottest leaders to ever grace our country’s history!

Who is your POTUS crush and why?

john kennedy pt 109

John F. Kennedy

Why He’s Hot:
– During WWII, his boat, PT 109, was cut in half and sank, but that didn’t slow down ol’  mean dog JFK. No, that man swam to a remote island pulling his badly hurt shipmate with his mo-fo’ing teeth.
– There was no food or drinking water on the island, so like a boss, Kennedy swam 4  kilometers to a nearby island for food and water and then swam back to take the men to another island with food and water.
– He and his shipmates survived on coconuts for six days. For those six days, Kennedy’s potassium levels were excellent.
– He won a Pulitzer Prize in 1957 for his book Profiles in Courage.
– He created the Peace Corps (more…)

February 18, 2013 by
Austin, Hipstercrite Life

Why I Need to Meet More Jews

Woody Allen Jewish

I need to meet more Jews.

I came to this conclusion last week after talking to a Jew.

They’re somewhat elusive here in Austin, so anytime I come across one it’s a big freakin’ deal.

Why is it such a big deal?

Because I’m Jewish.

Because when I come across another M.O.B. (Member of the Tribe- a phrase a fellow Jew shared with me), the world and my life finally make sense.

Let me be clear: like many religion-challenged Jews, I’m non-practicing.

My grandmother was raised in an Orthodox Jewish household. At a certain turning point she was like “fffff this shit” and turned her back on the religion. She raised my mother in the Whatever faith, who subsequently raised me similarly. Needless to say religion has never been the terrifying and guiding light in our lives. All my close family members call themselves “spiritual” and shoot the shit with God in their own ways.

Though we didn’t go to temple and because the faith ran down my mother’s bloodline, the Jewy-ness of my (more…)

February 13, 2013 by
Austin, Fashion/Design, Pop Culture

Most Romantic Places in Austin to Instagram on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is coming up!

Since it’s an Instagram world and we all have to live in it, I’ve compiled a list of local spots to take obnoxiously adorable photos with your sweetheart on V-day. You won’t be the first couple to take photos here and you can count on your future kids barfing when they see these cutesy photos of their ‘rents, but heck, it’s your love and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. If you want to suck face in front of Jo’s Coffee while a professional photog snaps your photo, suck away.

Note to Austin-area business owners: If you want to receive a lot of foot traffic and free press, put a romantic mural on the outside of your building. Thank me later by giving me free swag from your business.

What do you think is the most romantic spot in Austin?

you're my butter half austin

The “You’re My Butter Half” toast & butter pat street art on the side of the United Way building 2000 E. MLK – photo via me!

i love you so much austin

The simple yet sweet “I love you so much” text written on the side of (more…)

February 12, 2013 by
Austin, Fashion/Design, Pop Culture

Hipster Valentine’s Day Gift Guide 2013

Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day?

I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day.

I spent so many years single that V-Day became a day of celebrating my bitter, unrelenting scorn.

But now this will be my second holiday with someone special and I realize that I didn’t dislike V-day because I was single, I just don’t like it period.

IT’S A STUPID HOLIDAY!

Actually, most holidays are stupid- except for Halloween. That is not a stupid holiday.

But you know what?

A lot of really cool people make really cool stuff that make great Valentine’s Day gifts.  Their stuff is so hip, it makes me want to celebrate Valentine’s Day every day (which I kind of do already- that’s why I think having a holiday to express your love  is silly-willy).

As some of you know, I’m friends with the fine folks over at Scoutmob.

Their artisan shoppe boasts a kick-ass collection of handmade art, clothing and decor by talented folks in New York City, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Detroit…and Austin. Our very own Austin-bred (more…)

February 6, 2013 by
Austin, Pop Culture

Dear Trader Joe’s, When Are You Opening in Austin?

trader joe's

source

Dear Mr. Joe,

DUDE! WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU OPENING UP IN AUSTIN, HUH?!?!

Excuse me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. Let me regain my composure.

I’m just really really anxious about your impending arrival in our fair city.

Last year, you teased us with the news of your future opening in Austin like a laser pointer being aimed straight above a cat’s face.
YOU, SIR, ARE THE STUPID LASER POINTER AND WE ARE THE CATS!

YOU LEFT US AIMLESSLY PAWING AT THE FRIGGIN’ WALLS, oops, sorry, I mean, you left us aimlessly pawing at the walls, hoping, praying that we will somehow feel your physical presence.

Your establishment is a big deal to us Austinites since at one point or another we’ve experienced you in another city.
We got to try your fine $2.99 libations and magical cookie butter and the luscious tastes have never left our trembling lips.

You left an impression on us, sir. We dream about you often, in tropical Technicolor of reds, yellows and blues.
We (more…)

February 4, 2013 by
Austin, Film, Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture

Holy Crap! My Film Will be Premiering at SXSW!

Tireste Kelly Dunn Geoff Marslett Loves Her Gun

You guys remember that movie I told you about? The one I co-wrote and co-produced and some of you were gracious enough to donate to so we could finish our post-production?

Well, it will be premiering under the Narrative Spotlights at the South by Southwest Film Festival this year!

I can’t believe that this idea born out of my late-night, heavy-breathing “Oh my God I’m going to DIE!” panic attacks is now a full-fledged movie premiering at one of my favorite film festivals.

We are beyond the Thunderdome excited. Like, I’m going to go bleach and feather my hair and put a chain-link dress on and find Mel Gibson and say, “Two men enter, one man leaves” excited.

The film was written in the summer of 2011, but the subject matter- gun culture- is all the more prevalent today. We couldn’t have imagined that the always important topic would (sadly) heat up again.

Since we shot the film, our lead actress Trieste Kelly Dunn was offered a reoccurring role on Alan Ball’s new TV show (more…)

February 1, 2013 by
Writing

What You Can Learn From Writing A Shit Ton

unicorn drawing

I just completed a seven month-long writing project.

Needless to say it fried my brain into that gross little brown turd-looking french fry that floats at the bottom of your basket.

However, the challenge was healthy and I learned a lot. I feel as though I’ve really grown as a writer.

Long-term writing projects are a great way to test your skills and patience.

Here is what you can learn from them:

1.) The thesaurus is your friend. FUCK what Stephen King said in his book On Writing- the thesaurus is awesome and finding big words that make you sound smarter than you actually are is good.

2.) Sitting for long stretches of time can make you feel like you’re 80 years old and probably dying.

3.) If you stare at the computer screen long enough, you’ll develop vertigo and feel as if you’re riding a unicorn.

4.) Telling people that you think you’re physically and mentally dying from a long-term writing project provokes no sympathy and only stares of “SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

5.) (more…)

January 30, 2013 by
20-Something

A New Year, Another Year Older and Am I Happy?

Austin sunset

I’ve been encountering many people who are down in the dumps lately.

Maybe it’s seasonal depression, though that’s difficult to diagnose in Austin when January has seen eighty degree temperatures.

Or maybe it’s that the new year brings a slew of questions and few answers.

The majority of the people who claim that they’re sad, lonely and confused are also saying they have no idea what they’re doing with their life.

A new year, another year older and am I happy?

Some of these individuals are highly established in their careers and personal lives, while others are not.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a famous filmmaker or an aspiring musician/restaurant server- we’re all in the same boat (which is also a nice reminder not to compare yourself to others).

I spent a great deal of my twenties asking this question. I drifted from East Coast to West Coast to Third Coast trying to discover who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. There were many nights drinking alone, calling (more…)

January 29, 2013 by