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Fashion/Design, Hipstercrite Life

How To Plant a Garden and Become One With the Earth

I’m building a garden because 1.) I spend way too much time on the internet and want to “Get my hands in the dirt and become one with the Earth” 2.) Want to feel the pride and sweat of eating homegrown vegetables 3.) I’m bored and it’s better than drinking red wine and watching Youtube videos of tigers eating pizza boxes 4.) There was a giant hole in the yard, some cinder blocks and some bags of dirt that needed a home rather than being strewn across the yard.

I made a garden once when I was in college in Upstate New York. Much like this time around, I didn’t read a gosh damn single book, article or sentence about how to grow stuff, so I mainly ended up with rabbit-gorged lettuce, some bland corn, tomatoes (which I don’t like) and one eggplant. This time I’m growing lettuce (I think all the rabbits in Texas have gone extinct), basil, fennel (I think it’s too late in the planting season for fennel), chives (think it’s too late for that too) and I don’t remember what else.

So far everything (more…)

March 29, 2012 by
Writing

If The Tacocopter Was Real and Lived in Austin, Texas

Though the Tacocopter of San Francisco (“flying robots deliver tacos to your location”) has been dubbed a fake, let’s fantasize if such a thing existed in Austin, Texas, shall we?

1.) While waiting in long-ass lines during SXSW, the helicopter could plop tacos into our open mouths like baby birdies waiting for regurgitated worms.

2.) While hungover, the helicopter could rap tap on your bedroom window as you wait for death to take you. Instead of death, you’re greeted with tacos… and a robot. Which is kind of like death.

3.) While waiting in traffic on I-35 during rush hour, you can have tacos delivered to your window…and obliterate the cars in front of you.

4.) While waiting in line at Franklin’s you can snack on tacos…because after two hours of waiting, you’ll be hungry enough again to eat at Franklin’s.

5.) While hanging out at Barton Springs, you don’t have to leave your spot and worry about an old man in a thong taking it. Instead tacos and memory-erasing pills (more…)

March 28, 2012 by
Hipstercrite Life

When Almost Passing Out During Yoga is Exactly What You Need

Yesterday,  I wrote about how I felt like I was cracking up due to my nighttime anxieties. Trying never to give in and dwell on the negative, I decided I needed to do something about it.

So I picked the most cliché thing possible- I tried yoga for the first time!

Cliché or not, it was well worth it.

I’ve owned two yoga mats in my life and have never actually done yoga. Thanks to my friend Jordan, I finally got the push in the tush I needed to go.

We went to the donation-based Black Swan Yoga on 5th Street. The moment I walked in, I was struck at how peaceful and positive the atmosphere was. I’m not sure why this surprised me. It’s not like they play death metal and talk about cutting yourself at yoga. Everyone was so friendly and not in an over-the-top kind of way. Like a pull you in and hug you and make you feel all warm and gushy kind of way.

I sat down and was instantly struck by the fear that my feet might stink, but when I realized that yoga is not about being self-conscious, (more…)

March 28, 2012 by
Fashion/Design, Hipstercrite Life, Writing

How to Look Like a Flower Child

My mother came of age in one of the most interesting and pivotal times in America.

Sometimes I would lay on the floor and listen to her Simon and Garfunkel, Sly and the Family Stone and Janis Joplin records personalized with her handwritten notes.

I envied her adventures through the late 60’s and early 70’s.

I also envied her kick-ass figure. She was a string bean and had impeccable style.

She’s still one of the most beautiful and creative women I know. I wish she believed that about herself too.

Ugh. Look at those thighs.

I love the green Acapulco t-shirt and white pant suit combo! I wish I could rock the white suit and t-shirt!

Love that high-waist shorts/pants are still in!

Momma stealing a child and a horse while visiting Mexico

March 27, 2012 by
Austin, Pop Culture

Have You Been to Austin? I Can’t Tell if the Locals are Rednecks or Junkies (Video)

This year, Geoff and I got to be a part of making official bumpers for SXSW. He directed them and I helped produce them (I also co-wrote one about furries beating up annoying badge holders). They played before screenings at SXSW Film along with bumpers made by local filmmaker Joe Nicolosi (you might remember him from last year’s mega hit  “Mario”), Zach Anner and New York-based filmmaker Lauren Wolkstein.

SXSW just made one of the bumpers by Nicolosi available on Youtube. It happens to star a favorite someone of mine (Geoff) and putting favoritism aside, I do think it’s pretty f’ing funny. Nicolosi has a real talent for comedy. Check out his Youtube channel here. The bumper pokes fun at a subject matter I talk frequently about- people from LA moving to Austin. I swear I didn’t grow a beard that long when I first moved here.

 

March 23, 2012 by
Film, Music, Pop Culture

R. Kelly Aims To Wow Your Panties Off With New Installment of Trapped in the Closet

 

I’ve been waiting for this news my entire life.

The next installment of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” will premiere on IFC next year.

If you’ve never seen the first 22 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”, I feel sorry for you. You’ve lived a sad and sheltered life.

“Trapped in the Closet” follows the dramatic tale of Sylvester (R. Kelly/narrator), Gwendolyn (Sylvester’s wife), Cathy (a lady Sylvester cheated with), Rufus (Cathy’s pastor husband), Chuck (Rufus’ lover), Big Man (a midget), Bridget (Big Man’s Southern wife) and Pimp Lucious (R.Kelly again) as they all cheat on, love on and point guns on each other. The characters are voiced by R.Kelly in a NEVER-ENDING, MIND-NUMBING CYCLE OF THE SAME SONG FOR 90 MINUTES STRAIGHT.

“Trapped in the Closet” falls under the cult classics that are so unbelievably f’ing terrible that they come across as brilliant. Believe me, after you watch “Trapped in the Closet”, R. Kelly will become your creative role (more…)

March 21, 2012 by
Austin, Fashion/Design

Lovely Austin: Dressing Like Jackie O For Cheap

I’m not a fashionista, but I’ve always liked dressing nicely.

I don’t really care for the frowny-face, pigeon-toed, slumpy-shoulder hot mess look that is popular in fashion these days. I like streamline, sleek, well-made and classy.

Diane Keaton is my fashion icon and spirit animal.

I grew up in a family-owned clothing store, so wearing well-made clothing has always been a priority. Unfortunately, I’m at a point in my life where affording well-made clothing is not an option. I’m poor. And weak.

This is why I fell in love with boutique store, Lovely Austin.

Lovely Austin is a luxury vintage label consignment shop located on South 1st at Monroe in a darling converted 100 year-old home.

The second I walked into the store and spotted a James Coviello tailored ladies vest (which I later bought), I knew I would be spending hours in there. The vest fit me perfectly and it reminded me how wonderful high-end clothing is- they’re made to look good on you!

What makes this store (more…)

March 20, 2012 by
Hipstercrite Life

What I Hope To Find During My First Trip to Europe: My Boyfriend, John Stamos and Cheese

My post over at CultureMap today…

Today my boyfriend leaves for a three-month stay in Portugal. I’m not happy about it.

I’ve spent the past weeks devising a plan to run screaming out onto the tarmac in a rabbit costume before his plane leaves the gate. I figure that a rabbit costume is not threatening enough to get me detained but disorienting enough that the pilots will feel compelled to take reschedule the flight for the next day. Since I won’t want him to leave the next day either, I’ll have to keep doing this every day, which will be how the myth of the human-sized bunny of Austin-Bergstrom International Airport will emerge.

The one good thing about him heading to Europe is that I will have an excuse to visit, if I have the money.

Currently I have a mouth full of cavities and self-employment taxes I need to pay, but I think my mouth and livelihood can take a backseat to Europe, right? I mean, I’m young and I need to take these opportunities while I still can — even (more…)

March 19, 2012 by
Austin, Hipstercrite Life

The Death of Austin, Texas

source

A scary realization came to me the other night while I was driving around looking for parking east of Interstate 35 to catch a screening downtown. East of I-35 (East Austin) is typically where I park if I go anywhere downtown; it’s much easier than fighting for or paying for parking.

As I parked deeper than I normally would on the eastside due to the chaos that is SXSW, the realization that parking on the eastside could one day no longer be free hit me like a ton of bricks. Flashbacks of paying hundreds of dollars a year in parking meters, permits and parking tickets in Los Angeles came flooding back.

This may sound like a trivial concern, but it lead to the larger question that had been dancing in my brain while I battled thousands of people through the streets, sidewalks, events and stores as I wandered through SXSW- how much is Austin changing and is it for the better or worse?

I overheard a few rumblings from locals during the film and interactive portion of SXSW that (more…)

March 15, 2012 by
Austin, Film, Hipstercrite Life, Pop Culture

Does SXSW Give You Anxiety?!

Does SXSW give you ragin’ anxiety like it does for me?

I have something to clear off my flat chest.

After all this talk of blogging about SXSW- I can’t do it.

You know why?

Because I’ve already fizzled out.

My little motor has died and I already buried it in the backyard along with the feral cats of East Austin.

I don’t care enough about the hottest app, movie, party or show and scrambling back to regurgitate it all to you. I pretended like I cared a lot, but I’m realizing I don’t. Maybe that makes me a bad blogger, journalist or social media whore, but so be it.

When you live in Austin and work in or around the creative industries, you feel as though you’re supposed to squeeze SXSW by the nuts and get every last drop out of ’em. As a writer, screenwriter and social media nerd, it would be silly for me not to take full advantage of the festival, right? To go on 3 hours sleep every night, be drunk most of the time and trying to nudge my way into the hottest parties, (more…)

March 12, 2012 by