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Texas

Austin, Pop Culture

Austin’s Moontower Comedy Festival Has So Many Boinkable Comedians This Year

Buddy Cole Kids in the Hall

Guys, I’m stoked.

The Moontower Comedy Festival just started and I got a press badge. For this blog.

How the hell that happened, I’m not sure.

All I know is that that means I can stalk write about the Kids in the Hall.

Man, I love the Kids in the Hall. I’ve written about them a disgusting amount on this blog.

They, along with Fleetwood Mac, single-handedly helped shape who I am, which is a fucking weirdo.

What are the similarities between the Kids in the Hall and Fleetwood Mac? Absolutely nothing, but my 15-year-old chubby ass loved both of them.

I wanted to be a Canadian filmmaker because of the Kids in the Hall. I spent most of my seventeenth year desperately trying to figure out how to get my very pale, very chubby ass to Toronto for film school, and no one knew how to get me there. In fact, my guidance counselor told me, “I’ve never had a student who wanted to go to Canada.”

So I gave up on my dream, friends. It died like a sad fly trapped in a car without air conditioning.

I’ve (more…)

April 25, 2014 by
Austin, Hipstercrite Life

Happy National Feral Cat Day!

cats

source (modified)

It’s National Feral Cat Day!

You know what that means, right?

Find yourself a feral cat, throw a piece of cake at it and run.

Since I work from home, I’VE BEGUN LOSING MY MIND I spend a lot of time talking to and getting to know the feral cats in our neighborhood. They tell me their secrets.

And there are a lot of them (cats, not secrets).

There’s Zorro, Fatface, Baby Momma, Fake Dee, Gray Kitty, Gray Tomcat, Blackie (we’re very creative with names) and a slew of others that stick their kitty pecpees in the kitty vajayjays and then leave come and go.

If the cats didn’t run away in terror every time I came near them, then I would have individual pictures for all of them.

The only pics I have are of Zorro because he’s semi-blind and doesn’t know when I creep up on him from behind (he also looks like Grumpy Cat) and a group shot of Zorro, Fake Dee and Gray Kitty hanging out. They like to sleep in groups, with Zorro often acting as elder statesman of (more…)

October 16, 2013 by
Austin, Travel

Foodie Tour of Austin Restaurants Featured on Reality TV

It should come as no surprise that Austin has been on a butt-load of reality TV shows. Why is it not a surprise? Because Austin is currently America’s shiny ball that they like to poke, play with and stare at.

Many of those aforementioned reality shows are food-based. The culinary scene in Austin has grown by leaps and bounds in the past several years. Having moved here from California (let the name-calling begin), I was initially disappointed in what I felt was a lackluster food scene in Austin. Fast-forward five years later and Austin is on the top of the list of American food destinations. Austin’s very own Paul Qui won Top Chef two years back and our beloved Franklin BBQ was named the best BBQ in America by Bon Appetit Magazine. Austin is full of incredible culinary talent and it’s a fantastic place to be a foodie in right now.

I use to work at a local restaurant that was featured on a popular Travel Channel show and based off the influx of traffic the restaurant received, you (more…)

September 9, 2013 by
Austin, Travel

*The Day I Drank a Bud Light Lime-a-Rita and Wrestled a Snake

tubing in Gruene, Texas

 

We happened upon a snake ball yesterday.

It’s not as cool as it sounds.

Before yesterday, I always thought a snake ball is when prepubescent male snakes put on their bow ties, ask to borrow their ‘rent’s Caddy and impress the female snakes with their dance moves learned from watching Michael Jackson clips on Youtube (at least that’s what I would do if I was a male snake).

A snake ball is exactly what was described above, but without the clip-on ties or awkward Thriller arm-waving that looks more like Alien Hand Syndrome.

A snake ball is when an ASS-LOAD OF SNAKES crowd around a female and try to get it on with her.

A snake ball is something that makes me nearly poop myself and become a dead weight that my friends have to drag around until I understand that the snakes are a.) not interested in biting us and b.) would have difficulty biting us in the water even if they wanted to bite us.

We were tubing on the Guadalupe River in Gruene, Texas. I’ve written about (more…)

April 29, 2013 by
Austin, Travel

Exploring the Americana of Small Town Texas (pics)

Geoff and I took a lovely trip to Gonzales, Texas this weekend (60 miles due south from Austin on Highway 183); he was acting in a movie and I was happily reconnecting with nature after becoming a complete workaholic recluse.

Acting is something that Geoff has gotten into recently (he acted in two movies last year) and disconnecting with reality and working on the couch is my current hobby. Needless to say, the short trip was advantageous for both of us (though I had a mini-meltdown when I realized that the SOLE coffee shop in Gonzales closed down over two years ago).

Gonzales, like similar old towns dotted over the state of Texas, is small and quaint. A sign proclaiming, “Pocketknives are IN! Pick up yours today!” greeted us as we drove in. Like rings on a tree, you can see the decades of wear on the semi-deserted downtown. On the smallest ring, you see the strong, granite buildings from the 1800s  with beautiful tin tile ceilings and floor to rooftop windows. The next ring you can (more…)

January 14, 2013 by
Austin, Music, Pop Culture

Nothing Says Halloween Like a Karate Rock Band Wearing Prosthetic Limbs

My boyfriend has a band.

They’re called The Karate Kids.

They sing about the Karate Kid movies including the ill-advised remake starring Will Smith’s son.

They wear prosthetic limbs and perform each of their songs in the kicking crane position.

If this doesn’t sell you on them already, check out some of their songs. Side note- my boyfriend can’t sing. I will never tell him this and I hope you don’t either. It is a fact that he already knows and he doesn’t care. This is what I love about him: the determination to never give up and keep creating. Since he can’t sing, he ends up sounding like a cool higher-pitched Lou Reed/Leonard Cohen-hybrid.

Nicole Atkins (see below) played in the band for a few shows. Sissy Spacek likes them, and Bill Murray told them that he would go to one of their shows, but in truth, HE LIED and didn’t show up.

The Karate Kids are playing Halloween Night 9:15PM at East Austin’s non-douchey, two-steppin’ hipster hangout, The White Horse.

Details are here.

Hope (more…)

October 30, 2012 by
Austin, Film, Pop Culture

Billy Bob Thornton, Won’t You Come Out to Sing?

There are so many reasons why I love Austin and now I have two more to add to the list: 1.) Billy Bob Thornton reportedly moved here and 2.) Club de Ville is trying to coax him out with a Billy Bob Thornton Welcome to ATX Karaoke/Costume Party tonight from 8PM to 2AM.

Not only is Club de Ville trying to bring out the Billy Bob, they’re also going to project his image on a giant wall and hand out BBT masks.

Heart!

Which Billy Bob are you going to dress up as?

Karl from Sling Blade?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Willie from Bad Santa?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ed from The Man Who Wasn’t There?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Davy Crockett from The Alamo?

Or just plain ol’ Billy Bob?

 

September 17, 2012 by
Hipstercrite Life

On Growing Up: When You Become Too Scared to Jump Into the Water

Last week, a friend asked me how many jobs I currently I have.

As I rambled off the list of regular employment and one-time projects for the month of September, I realized I counted all the way to 14.

It took hearing this to finally legitimize the stress I’ve been feeling lately.

Going freelance means you don’t know how to say no to opportunities. Or at least I don’t, yet.

If a project comes my way that works in my favor, even if it’s not substantial pay, I will take it.

This goes against many writers number one rule, but considering I’m still relatively new at this, I do not harshly discriminate.

Because of this weakness, I’ve found myself working 14+ hour days. Days that leave me mentally and physically exhausted. My back aches, my knees ache and I often trail off into a world of nothingness when speaking to another human being.

I’m not particularly fond of this current employment set up, but it’s “only temporary”, I keep telling myself.

As I’m sure we all do.

After (more…)

September 4, 2012 by
Austin

In.gredients: America’s First Zero-Waste, Zero-Packaging Grocery Store (pictures)

We all know Austin is cool.

In fact, Austin was recently named the fastest growing city in America again (I think I’m going to design a t-shirt that says, “I moved to Austin before it was cool to move to Austin”).

There are a lot of big ideas coming out of this unique city and now Austin can add another innovative business to its growing list.

In.gredients is the nation’s first zero-packaging, zero-waste grocery store in America. Located in East Austin, In.gredients boasts a wide array of locally-sourced produce (which includes milk, meat and cheese), dry goods, condiments and cleaners for purchase.  The concept is simple: customers bring in their own containers and bags (containers are also available for a small fee), fill them up with desired products, weigh them, then pay for groceries at the front counter. No bulky packaging and no plastic bags.

In the days of excess eating and waste, In.gredients hopes to “minimize waste” while promoting “healthy sustainable lifestyles”.

What (more…)

August 9, 2012 by