DEAR GOD!
People havin’ babies.
Babies all over the place.
I guess it’s that time of year; isn’t there a scientific fact that people fornicate more in the winter months? That’s why you don’t see a lot of January-March babies: it’s too f’ing hot in the summer.
“Hey, babe, wanna have S-E-X?”
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WHY DID YOU JUST TOUCH ME?! WHY?! DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S HOTTER THAN SATAN’S ASSHOLE RIGHT NOW?! HAVEN’T YOU FELT SATAN’S ASSHOLE BEFORE?!?!”
Babies weird me out because I’m a.) an only child and b.) a child of divorce. I wasn’t exactly conditioned to have offspring, but as I get older and realize there is a slight chance I could DIE ALONE, the thought of having many, many children to cater to my every beck and call sounds like a solid idea.
My biggest fear- besides getting bitten in the ass by a snake while tubing and separately, developing West Nile Virus- is ending up like that actress from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, all mummified for a year before someone (more…)